Silence is Golden
by AKJ4
Summary: One of my very first fics which I started writing in 2006. An event in the past led to Jill leaving 'The Royal' and moving to Leeds.
1. Chapter 1

This is a fic I started years ago, and I'm still writing it! I've decided to change little of the original, apart from the odd spelling mistake, so hopefully you'll see some improvement in the writing. The parts in italics are set in the past. The parts in normal type are more the 'present'. However, all parts are still set in the Sixties. Hopefully it'll all become clear! Comments, as on all my other fics and very much appreciated. Hope you enjoy it!

Silence is Golden

Jill slammed the door closed with her foot and deposited her doctor's bag and many shopping bags on the floor of her Leeds flat. Wearily, she brushed a wisp of hair out of her eyes that had come loose from her ponytail. She sighed. It had been a long day; they'd been a doctor short at the hospital, giving them extra work, resulting in even busier than normal morning and afternoon surgeries, more ward rounds and more house calls- three of which were hypochondriacs. There had also been a bad road accident which left three people injured but stable, and a fourth person, who she'd spent four hours in surgery with, in a critical condition. After all that, she had to buy food for her empty cupboards before the shops closed and return to the hospital to do her, by then, very late evening ward rounds.

Jill looked at the clock on the wall; 11:30. She sighed again and picked up the shopping bags, intending to quickly unpack them. When she entered the kitchen however, she had to once again deposit the bags on the floor as she looked with contempt and disgust at the small work surface pilled with dirty pots, and her table covered with paperwork from the previous evening that she still had to finish for work. She deemed it pretty pointless paperwork, but still it had to be done. If not, she'd have management on her back, a man who funnily enough, reminded her of Mr Harper. That inevitably led to her thinking of Gordon. She groaned; she had to stop dwelling on what had happened. Every time she thought of something even vaguely connected with him, however tenuous the link, her thoughts would return to him and torture her with the memories.

At that moment though she was thankful for her exhaustion and the fact that she was probably going to fall asleep standing up; it prevented her from thinking properly.

She turned abruptly and shuffled out the kitchen, yawning widely in the process. The shopping could wait for the next day.

* * *

><p><em>"Yes Mr Rainworth, I know it hurts, a broken arm tends to do that."<em>

_"But what are you going to do about it?"_

_"I told you, I'm going to send you to x-ray. Anyway, the morphine should be working soon." Jill was beginning to loose her patience. She was in casualty and had been for over an hour with the same patient who refused to accept anything she had to say._

_"I want to see another doctor."_

_Jill felt like throttling the man but kept an outwardly calm appearance. "Why?"_

_"Because I want a second opinion."_

_"Mr Rainworth, I assure you, you've broken your arm, any doctor would agree." A hint of annoyance was beginning to enter her tone, but he didn't seem to notice as he suddenly shouted._

_"Who's that?"_

_"Who's who?"_

_"Him. Is he a doctor?" He pointed to a figure visible through the doorway._

_"Yes. That's Doctor Ormerod."_

_"I want to speak to him."_

_Sucking in a deep breath, and realising she had no choice if she wanted to get rid of the man, she sidled up next to Gordon who was in the corridor, having just finished talking to a nurse._

_"Gordon, can you do me a big favour?"_

_He turned to look at her and flashed her one of his smiles she loved. "Depends what it is."_

_"My patient in there, Mr Rainworth, he's broken his arm, but won't listen to anything I have to say. He wants a second opinion."_

_Gordon's brow furrowed, showing Jill just how absurd he thought the man's request was. "Right okay." _

_She felt him briefly rub his hand up and down her back in a soothing fashion; he'd probably realised how frustrated she was. She followed him into Casualty as he began speaking. "Right Mr Rainworth, what seems to be the problem?"_

_"Finally, a proper doctor."_

_"What's that supposed to mean?" She exclaimed before she could stop herself._

_Mr Rainworth however, ignored her and addressed Gordon instead. "I don't know why they let women become doctors; they have no idea what they're talking about."_

_Jill drew herself up, ready to unleash a tirade upon the petulant man. Gordon placed a hand on her arm and quickly began speaking before she could. "I assure you sir, Dr Weatherill is an exceptional doctor, one of the best doctors in the area. So kindly refrain from insulting her or anyone else for that matter because you have no idea what you are talking about."_

_The man sat, silently, looking slightly taken aback by the doctor's firm, calm, defence of his colleague, as he was examined._

_"Mr Rainworth, you have a broken arm so I'm sending you to x-ray. A porter or nurse will be by shortly to take you." That said briskly, he headed out of Casualty, Jill in tow._

_"Thank you Gordon, it meant a lot what you said."_

_He smiled at her. "Yes well he was talking out of his-"_

_He was cut off as Jill quickly kissed him, after making sure the corridor was empty._

_"How about a meal tonight, my treat?" She asked, running her hand down his tie._

_"I'd love to." He leant towards her and pressed his lips briefly on hers. _

* * *

><p>Jill walked into Leeds General Hospital, ready for a long busy day, thoughts of unpacked shopping and unwashed pots at the back of her mind. "Morning." She greeted the receptionist who just handed her a stack of letters, patient notes and a list of house calls, her expression not changing from a look disgust and snobbery.<p>

Jill flashed her a sickly sweet smile and turned away. She rolled her eyes, the woman had treated her the same since she'd arrived; looking at her as if she was something she'd scrapped off the bottom of her shoe. It didn't bother her anymore; well not as much as it had when she'd first arrived anyway. She'd grown accustomed to the superior attitudes and the less than pleasant looks some people sent her way.

Although nothing had really been said, she had an idea why they were treating her like that. Some comments of 'not qualified' and 'not experienced' that she'd heard in recent days had reinforced her beliefs.

Pushing thoughts of this to the back of her mind, she proceeded to her office and smiled Dr Harris who was standing at the end of the corridor. He returned it before turning his attention back to a nurse. At least some people were nice to her.

The day turned out to be another busy one and again, very long. And even though this was the case, she lay awake in bed into the early hours in the morning, trying to convince herself love wasn't real, that it was something people imagined they felt. She scrunched her eyes shut tightly, feeling the familiar sting of tears. She didn't love Gordon, she didn't. She just thought she did because love was everywhere, everyone talked about love and so people thought it must be real. It was thought to be something special and the best feeling, that's why people kidded themselves into thinking they were in love and that someone loved them. She choked back a sob, the tears creeping out from under her eyelids and absorbing into the pillow.

Eventually, she fell into a fitful sleep on her tear soaked pillow. Her last thoughts were of how much she loved and missed Gordon.

Ironic, to say the least.


	2. Chapter 2

Jill leant against the door frame to her small balcony. She crossed her arms tightly around her as the cold spring breeze penetrated through her thin blouse, chilling her skin. The setting sun cast an orange glow over her, allowing her to gaze upon the pink and white heart shaped flowers of her dicentra, seemingly diminutive inside its large pot. It was the only plant she had taken from her garden in Elsinby; she was unable to leave it behind.

She sighed, her breath streamed out before her in the cold night, late frost threatening.

Some people call the plant 'Dutchman's trousers'. Others call it 'bleeding heart'…

* * *

><p><em> Jill bustled around to and from her garden and kitchen, carrying plates, bowls, glasses and cutlery, and set them out on the blanket laid down on the grass. Thankfully, it wasn't raining and there was only a slight breeze, just enough to rustle the leaves gently. She bit her lip as she surveyed the arrangement, hoping he would like it. Absentmindedly, she brushed a blade of grass off her skirt, her heart starting to pound nervously as she awaited the doorbell that would herald his arrival. As if on cue, the chime rang through the house and out to where she stood. Swallowing in anticipation, she smoothed her skirt, straightened her blouse and practically ran into the house.<em>

_ The reached the front door and just stopped herself from flinging it open. Instead, she opened it at a slower speed. Gordon stood in the doorway, a smile adorning his face as soon as he laid eyes on her. He looked incredibly handsome in his short sleeved, pale blue shirt, opened at the neck. His short hair flopped naturally onto his forehead and his blue eyes twinkled at her, framed by small laughter lines._

_ She stepped aside to allow him to enter and closed the door behind him. As yet neither had said anything, comfortable to just gaze at each other. Eventually though, he broke the silence._

_ "Oh! I brought this." He sounded almost as if he'd forgotten about the bottle of wine he held in his hands which he then offered to her._

_ "Thank you." She took it from him and then grabbed his hand, wordlessly leading him through the house and out into the garden. She glanced at him as he looked upon the spread on the blanket, his mouth slightly open._

_ "Wow. You've been busy… It looks amazing."_

_ She giggled in response. "You go and sit down and I'll open this." She indicated the bottle in her hand and retreated into the kitchen._

_ Once she'd accomplished opening the bottle, she returned to Gordon and settled down on the blanket next to him. She was about to pour him a glass when she felt his arm wrap around her waist and his breath tickle her neck._

_ "I think you've forgotten something."_

_ She turned to look at him, completely baffled as his hand met with her check and drew her face towards him._

_ "This." He murmured before their lips connected. She closed her eyes and brought her arm up around his neck, the heat rushing to her face. As the kiss deepened however, and she let the passion for the man consume her, she almost dropped the bottle she was holding, so she drew away from him somewhat regretfully to prevent any spillage._

_ "Sorry." She breathed, still inches away from his face. He smiled at her and she moved further away to pour the wine and serve the food._

_ They ate, sometimes chatting and sometimes in silence. The sun beat down on them but it wasn't so hot to be uncomfortable. Jill felt happy and light, not a care in the world as she allowed Gordon's soft tones and the feel of his body next to her fill her senses completely._

_ Later, after the food was eaten and the dishes taken inside, they lay on the blanket; his strong arms enveloped her as her head rested on his chest, her fingers playing with the soft material of his shirt. Murmuring to each other, they forgot the time until Jill became aware that the sun was setting. She moved out of his embrace and sat up, suddenly feeling stiff and aching from lying on the hard ground. _

_ He rose as well. "I'd better be getting back to the children." He stood up, stretched, then reached down and pulled her up._

_ "Thank you." Jill slid her hand into Gordon's and entwined her fingers with his. They walked hand in hand through the garden. When they were almost at the backdoor, he stopped. She looked up at him to see him gazing at one of her plants._

_ "That's unusual." He crouched down next to it, bringing her with him._

_ "It's a dicentra. It's one of my favourites actually."_

_ "Looks like a heart."_

_ She smiled and gently broke off a stem. Taking her hand from his, she slipped the stem into a button hole on his shirt. "There. I'm giving my heart to you." She said it somewhat jokily, knowing how corny it sounded._

_ She felt Gordon wrap his arms around her waist. With her fingers still gently holding the stem, they leant towards each other and kissed._


	3. Chapter 3

_ Jill ran a hand through her hair as she descended her stairs, memories of the previous evening with Gordon fresh in her mind. It had been perfect; romantic, relaxed, and yet there was a light, playful atmosphere with a seriousness that showed it wasn't just a bit of fun, there were real feelings and emotions there. It personified what their relationship had become._

_ After he had left, she began toying with a few words in her mind, tentative about them, but by the morning, certain. _

_ A contented smile escaped her lips as she dragged her thoughts back to the present and the awaiting day of work. She tightened the belt of her dressing gown and made her way into the kitchen. As she did so, there was a rattle of her letterbox numerous envelopes spilled onto the doormat. She turned back to retrieve them. _

_ "Bills, bills, more bills…" She muttered as flicked through them. She paused however when she came upon a white envelope, her name and address typed lopsidedly. "Strange…" She studied the postmark; Whitby. Intrigued, she tore open the envelope and pulled out a single sheet of paper, again the same lopsided, clumsily typed words. She scanned the page briefly. Her breath caught in her throat and she read the contents slowly. Realisation of the meaning of it hit her. She began to tremble in disbelief; the paper fell from her fingers as she leant heavily against the wall, unable to hold herself up without support. She suddenly felt cold and her shaking combined with uncontrollable shivering as she was unable to get a grip on herself._

* * *

><p>Jill rounded the corner into the reception of Leeds General Hospital, ready to call her next patient. "Mrs Harrison please."<p>

A stout woman stood up, extending an arm in Jill's direction. "I'm not being seen by you."

Jill raised a hand to rub her forehead, a headache that had plagued her all day starting to intensify. "Why?" Although she asked she had a good idea what the answer would be.

The woman drew herself up and started speaking haughtily and deliberately loudly so the whole of reception could hear. "Because you're not good enough. _You _came from a cottage hospital, did you not?"

She knew it; it would have been that or the fact that she was a woman. She sighed, not in the mood to argue. "Yes, but I assure you I'm a qualified doctor, the same as the rest of the doctors here."

"Yes but you went straight to working at a _cottage hospital_ that surely shows your lack of experience and knowledge…"

Jill fought the urge to roll her eyes as the patient, who frankly didn't look like there was anything wrong with her apart from her personality, ranted and raved.

The woman finally took a breath then finished with- "I'm not going to let you anywhere near me, who knows what you'll do."

Jill saw her look of disgust she was clearly not trying to hide. "Fine but you'll have a long wait if you want to see another doctor." That said, she turned away and started towards her office.

"I won't have you speaking to me like that. I want to see the administrator."

"Fine." She threw over her shoulder and closed her office door, effectively blocking out her voice.

* * *

><p><em>Jill re-read through the letter she'd received earlier in the day, allowing herself to emit an incredulous laugh. She felt silly about the way she'd acted earlier, and had come to think it of it as something silly and not worth thinking about. Her eyes travelled across the smudged text again-<em>

**_Jill Weatherill I know._**

**_You disgust me._**

**_Watch your back._**

_ She shook her head, scrunched the paper up and tossed it into the bin by her desk. Pushing all thoughts of it from her mind as she did so, believing nothing more would come of it._

_ A few seconds later, there was a knock on her door and Gordon popped his head round. "Are you free for lunch?"_

_ She nodded, glad of the company, especially as it was him._

_ He entered, closed the door, then she closed the gap between them, sliding her arms around him and to encircle his waist. She felt his arms enclose her and she tucked her head beneath his chin, closing her eyes and allowing his familiar and comforting scent and fell to fill her senses._

_ She realised she'd needed it; the letter had unnerved her more than she knew. But she allowed herself then, to be lulled into calm, the last thoughts of the letter filtering out of her as she released a contented sigh._

_ "You okay?" _

_ She loved feeling his voice vibrate in his chest. She nodded, uttering a muffled 'yes' as she buried herself deeper in his arms._


	4. Chapter 4

_ Jill's optimism about the letter didn't last for long, in fact, it only lasted for two days. In that space of time though, she had voiced her earlier realisation._

_ The day after the letter came she had been standing in reception, absentmindedly listening to Lizzie chatting about a party she was going to that night, whilst she filed some patients' notes. Gordon then walked in, handed a letter to Lizzie and gestured with his head towards his office, looking at Jill, and then left._

_ She struggled to keep the smile from creeping onto her face. "Sorry Lizzie, I have to go." She rushed out of reception without giving the receptionist chance to answer. She opened Gordon's office door and entered. As soon as she closed the door behind her, a strong pair of arms grabbed her and pulled her securely against a firm chest. She ran her eyes slowly up his body and finally into the twinkling blue eyes of Gordon, making her heart flutter. It then started drumming rapidly in anticipation as he brought his lips towards hers, lingering for a moment until they finally met._

_ After a while, they drew apart, he smiling and she rather breathlessly, gazing at each other._

_ "Fancy a walk?" Gordon murmured throatily, glancing at his watch. "We've got about three quarters of an hour until I have to be in surgery."_

_ Jill nodded in assent and they proceed out of the hospital building. Once outside, they made their way towards the sea front, hands just touching, but not daring to hold hands in case someone saw them._

_ The cool breeze off the sea pushed her hair off her face as they stood facing the water stretching towards the horizon. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, filling her lungs with clean air, welcome after her stuffy office. They were silent and, in a lull in the traffic, all they could hear were the waves breaking on the shore and dozens of seagulls calling as they circled a fishing boat coming into the small harbour a few yards away from the doctors._

_ She rested her head on his shoulder, allowing the calmness of the day to relax her, the few clouds moving languidly across the strikingly blue sky mesmerising her._

_ "I think we should be getting back."_

_ Jill jumped, Gordon's voice bringing her back. She lifted her head from his shoulder and looked at her watch, surprised to see that over half an hour had passed since leaving his office._

_ They made their way back to the redbrick building. When they reached it, just before they went up the path, Jill laid a hand on his arm stopping him. She felt an impulse to tell him how she felt, not being able to hold back any longer. She glanced around; a few nurses were walking into the ambulance bay, but other than that, they were alone._

_ "Gordon, can I tell you something?" She pushed her fringe aside shyly as he nodded. "Erm, well, there's no easy way to say this but…" She paused and allowed her gaze to wash over his face, seeing his bemused but encouraging smile. She brought her eyes up to meet his, and eye contact unfaltering, she continued. "Gordon, I… I love you."_

_ Gordon said nothing, but his eyes didn't leave hers. It was she who broke eye contact first, the silence uncomfortable and beginning to unnerve her._

_ "Well say something then!" She laughed this out, nervousness taking over._

_ "Doctor Ormerod, there you are. Mr Rose is waiting for you." Lizzie's sunshine voice filled her ears. _

_ Jill didn't know whether she was glad that Lizzie had prolonged her wait for his answer which was increasingly looking like it was going to be negative._

_ "I'll talk to you later Jill." Gordon said quietly then walked up the path and through the doors into the building, disappearing from her view._

* * *

><p><em> The day slipped away without reply from Gordon. They passed each other in the corridor and were in theatre together after a motorcycle accident, but he didn't speak to her on anything but professional grounds. By the time she'd finished for the day, his car was no longer in the car park, he hadn't even said goodbye to her like he normally did.<em>

_ Jill, curled up on her settee, sighed. She turned a page of the newspaper she was trying to read; she saw the words but didn't take them in. Glancing down at the page, the headline 'Aidensfield Resident Spots UFO' blared up at her. A look of disbelief crossing her face, she proceeded to read the article anyway._

_ She didn't look forward to going to bed; she would have nothing to distract her there, although the newspaper wasn't doing a very good job of stopping her from thinking about the day and what could have been different._

_ She cursed herself, maybe if she'd waited a little longer until she told Gordon her feelings, he would have been able to say the same to her. Maybe he didn't want to have the conversation at work in case someone overheard._

_ She shook her head and crossed the room to the window dismissing her thoughts and agitatedly began trying to rid the glass of various smudge and grease marks. It was becoming increasingly apparent to her that he didn't return her feelings at all. What was she to him, a laugh, a bit of fun? Had he ever felt that their relationship was serious, had he ever felt anything about her? Maybe he'd gone off her, she not meeting up to his expectations._

_ Flinging the curtains shut, she blinked through the tears fogging her vision. Picking up the newspaper again, she flopped back onto the settee, resigned to the long night ahead of her._

_ It was in that position she found herself in the morning, her eyes opening to focus on the cream ceiling above her. She shifted in a sitting position and realised the newspaper had become crumpled and torn in her hands. She raised a hand to her head, slightly dizzy, and looked at herself disgustedly. The sound of items being shoved through the letter box encouraged her to get up._

_ She made her way into the hall, a slight wobble in her step. She bent down, picked up the single letter lying on her mat, and as she straightened up, she turned it over. Her heart stopped for a moment and she began to feel sick to the stomach as she took in the familiar lopsided letters spelling out her name and address._


	5. Chapter 5

_Jill entered reception, not really noticing her surroundings and the people around her, her mind whirring over the most recent letter. It was longer, more specific and more frightening than the first letter. It contained a string of commands, including 'Don't tell anyone.' and 'Leave one hundred pounds beneath the Clock Tower at midnight.' It finished with a threat of 'If you break any of these rules, someone you love will suffer.' The thought made her vow never to breathe a word of it, although she knew it was no guarantee that even if she followed the letter, no one would get hurt._

_ A while after reading it, she had realised that there was no stamp, meaning it had been hand delivered, and so a person who was involved with the letters knew where she lived and had visited her home._

_ The letter in question was still clutched firmly in her hand as she stood in reception, gazing with a vacant expression at Lizzie, who was trying to shove some patient files into her hands._

_ "Doctor Weatherill, here are your files. Doctor Weatherill!"_

_ Barely knowing what she was doing, she took the files and wandered in the vague direction of her office, then felt someone take hold of her elbow and direct her into a different room._

_ "Jill, are you okay?"_

_ The familiar and somewhat calming voice of Gordon gradually brought her mind back to the present._

_ "Come on, sit down."_

_ She put up no resistance as he guided her into a chair, his hands gentle and his voice concerned. She refused to speak to him however, the hurt still fresh and raw._

_ "Jill, what's wrong? Talk to me Jill."_

_ Sharply, she whipped her head up, tears brimming in her eyes, as she began to speak bitterly. "If you don't love me Gordon, just say so, stop pretending to act concerned."_

_ "You think I don't love you?" His voice, laced with notes regret, hurt and shame travelled straight to her heart._

_ "Well I think that was pretty apparent from your lack of a response yesterday, don't you think." She angrily brushed away a tear that had started to track down her check._

_ "Jill..." He paused and she warily watched as he crouched down in front of her. "Sweetheart, I do love you, more than you can imagine."_

_ Not letting herself believe him completely, she questioned in him. "Then why didn't you tell me that yesterday?"_

_ "It didn't quite sink in that you feel the same way as me, and then Lizzie came so…" He reached out and took the hand not clutching the letter, and then leant towards her and touched his lips gently to hers. It was brief but it was tender and filled with love, and it was all she needed to open the floodgates. She slid off the chair and onto the floor next to him, allowing him to cradle her tightly as she let her emotions out. He couldn't possibly know the main reason for her upset, just as she couldn't possibly tell him._

* * *

><p>"Doctor Weatherill!"<p>

Jill turned as the haughty tones of Mrs Hander, the receptionist reached her ears.

"Mr Racheed wants to speak to you in his office." A smirk was evident on her lips as her patronising tone made Jill's blood boil.

"_Thank you _Mrs Hander." Jill said, perhaps a little too sarcastically, she didn't really care though; she had a feeling she was already in trouble.

She proceeded towards the administrator's office, abandoning her hope of leaving the hospital before nine o'clock. She knocked on the door and after receiving a reply, entered.

"Doctor Weatherill, take a seat." His eyes were like cold marbles and his face stony. "I've had a complaint, from a Mrs Harrison. She accused you of being rude. Mrs Hander backs up her story." He paused, proceeded to temple his hands beneath his chin, and looked at her intently for a few moments. "There have been many incidents, albeit little ones, that have come to my attention. At the moment I am wondering whether you're suited to the job here."

She was speechless for a few moments, and then narrowed her eyes. "Why on Earth did you give me the job in the first place, eh?" This, she almost shouted, and then immediately regretted it.

The suave, statuesque man in front of her didn't respond, he just raised his eyebrows at her.

Her eyes slipped from his to stare at her hands in her lap. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

There was a slight pause before he spoke again. "You're new here so I'll make an exception this once for not knowing." Jill opened her mouth to thank him, but he continued. "Mrs Harrison is a very influential person here; she's on the hospital board, so I will not have you speaking to her like that again. Do you understand me?"

A dozen lashing responses brimming on her tongue, she just nodded mutely.

"Dismissed."

She stood up and couldn't leave the room fast enough; she was so angry. It seemed to her that regardless of what Mrs Harrison did, she would always get away with it. Mr Racheed was obviously terrified of the woman; he was like a lap dog to her.

She marched out the hospital and into the car park, ignoring Mrs Hander's condescending stare, and the tutting accompanied with the comment of 'Ladies shouldn't run' from a passer-by, as she hurried towards her car. Once inside, the revved up the engine and started towards her flat, slightly out of breath. The familiar interior of her mini comforted her slightly, though she was still furious. Mr Middleditch would never have spoken to her in that way, without asking for her version of events. He would have done his best to stick up for his staff as well, something which Mr Racheed was incapable of doing.

She sighed longingly.


	6. Chapter 6

_ Jill glanced at the bulging envelope lying in the passenger's seat as she drove, a feeling of dread settling in her chest. It was late at night and she was on her way to fulfil a command instigated by the letter._

_ When she had arrived home that evening, she was unable to think of much else, she couldn't even eat; the butterflies in her stomach not letting her. Gordon had declined –somewhat regretfully judging by the look on his face- her offer of dinner; he had promised Katie and Tom that he would spend the evening playing board games with them. It wasn't that he was dreading spending the evening with them, he was looking forward to it, he had explained, it was that he wanted her to be there as well, but because of the circumstances of their relationship, it wasn't possible. And so she had had nothing to occupy her mind as the hour dragged ever closer. _

_ She drove all the way up to the clock tower until her car was directly in front of it. Straining to see her watch in the glow from the streetlight, she saw it was a couple of minutes before midnight._

_ She wanted to deposit the money and get home as quickly as possible, but she didn't know whether the letter writers wanted the money at exactly midnight. If that was so, they might not get there until then and there was the possibility of the money being stolen, and them therefore thinking she hadn't brought it._

_ Deciding on the safer option, though neither of them could really be considered safe, she stayed in her car, watching the seconds tick away, and every so often, glancing around, though she saw no one._

_ As soon as the it hit midnight, she jumped out her car, ran towards the clock tower, placed the envelope containing the one hundred pounds on top of the wall, and dashed back to her car, looking furtively around as she did so. Slamming the door shut and locking it, she became aware of her heart pounding furiously and her chest rising and falling rapidly. Her whole body was trembling, forcing to admit to herself, that she was terrified. _

_ Catching her breath, part of her felt compelled to stay and see her tormentor, but a bigger part of her made her turn the key in the ignition, and pull away, tyres squealing, in the direction of home. _


	7. Chapter 7

_The next day, Jill travelled through the corridor to reception, immersed in the file she was reading, and oblivious to what was happening around her. So it wasn't too surprising to anyone watching her when she collided with someone moving swiftly in the opposite direction. An elbow was jabbed into her stomach and a shoulder barged into her, knocking her to the floor. The wind knocked out of her, it took her a moment to realise what had happened. She heard someone shout her name and saw two pairs of feet connected to two trouser clad legs. She then felt two hands slip under her arms from behind her and lift her up._

_ Once she was standing, her eyes met those of two men she didn't recognise. There was also a pair of hands resting on her waist, belonging to the person who had picked her up. They then all started peaking at once._

_ "Jill, are you okay?"_

_ "I'm sorry I-"_

_ "It was my fault…"_

_ They all stopped and breathed an awkward laugh._

_ "I'm sorry. I hope I didn't hurt you." The younger of the two men looked apologetically at her._

_ "I'm fine. It was my fault anyway; I wasn't looking where I was going."_

_ "Jill," The pair of hands left her waist and Gordon moved to stand beside her. "This is Dr George Appleton," he gestured at the older man who looked about Gordon's age, "And this, is Craig Appleton, his son. George is Caroline's cousin."_

_ She shook both of their hands. "I'm sorry for your loss."_

_ They both smiled slightly, and then turned their attention to reception where Mr Rose was loudly proclaiming his love for golf._

_ This was nothing new to Jill and Gordon, so he fixed his attention on her. "You are okay Jill?"_

_ "Yes I'm fine, thanks for getting me up." She gazed up and him and saw him begin to lead towards her. Knowing what he was going to do, she gently placed a hand on his chest. "Remember where we are." She murmured. "However," she lowered her voice even further, "There'll be plenty of time for that later."_

_ "So this is the famous Jill." The voice made her jump slightly._

_ "Sorry?" She glanced from Dr Appleton to Gordon, to see him shaking his head almost imperceptibly at her. She tried to gain some information from him, but he had begun speaking to Craig._

_ As they were talking about topics such as Caroline and various things she that she had had no idea about, she, feeling more than a little out of place and unwelcome in the conversation, excused herself and entered reception, her destination before she'd been knocked off her feet._

* * *

><p><em> "So what was all that about earlier?" Jill looked over the top of her cup of tea at Gordon as she took a sip. He just looked at her blankly however. "With Caroline's cousins?"<em>

_ He shifted slightly on her settee before speaking. "They're staying in Whitby for a few weeks; Caroline's father owns a house there. They came to the hospital to see me, and then the kids are sleeping at their house for a few nights; it's a school holiday."_

_ "They seemed to know me…" She trailed off, the line that Dr Appleton had thrown at her- 'So this is the famous Jill', still puzzling her._

_ "Yes well." He shifted again. "I've spoken about you to them."_

_ "What, about us being together?" Surprise filled her voice._

_ "No, no, no." He hastily shook his head. "After Caroline had had her accident, whenever we spoke on the phone, I occasionally mentioned that you were looking after the children."_

_ "Oh okay."_

_ They lapsed into silence and she took another sip out her cup and gazed at the liquid in the bottom. Gordon placed his cup on the coffee table and reached out to touch her arm._

_ "Come here."_

_ She obliged and slid from her end of the settee to the other end. He took her cup and placed it too on the table, then drew her towards him, so her back was pressed against his chest. He pressed his lips to her hair, which she had taken out from its previous ponytail so it lay in waves over her shoulders._

_ "I love you Jill." He kissed her head and wrapped his arms tightly around her waist._

_ "I love you too."_

_ Silence once again filled the room, and it was once again broken a few minutes later by Gordon. "I still haven't had my kiss from earlier."_

_ She turned in his arms and brought her legs up so they were above his and dangling over the arm of the settee. Supported by his arms, she leant towards him, and touched her lips to his, deepening it after a few moments, allowing him to fill her senses. One hand wandered up to his chest, and the other ran through his hair. His hands ran up and down her back, leaving a tingling path. Eventually, they stopped, both breathless._

_ "Stay tonight Gordon." She whispered this, her eyes bright and pleading._

_ He reached up to cup her face with one hand. "I can't Jill; I have none of my things for tomorrow."_

_ "You can go home in the morning you know." She smiled slightly._

_ He sighed. "The children might need me, the hospital might call."_

_ "But…" Stopping herself, she swung her legs from the settee and stood up. She was going to say that the kids had two adults to look after them, and that Jeff was on call should the hospital have need. But she wasn't going to force him; if he didn't want to, he didn't want to. "Okay." She picked up their cups and carried them into the kitchen as tears started to fill her eyes. She just wanted to be held all night, she wanted to feel safe; she had suddenly felt vulnerable, the ever present thoughts of the letters becoming even stronger._

_ "Jill." He said from behind her, indicating he had followed her._

_ Hastily, she wiped a hand across her eyes, but didn't look at him; instead she busied herself with rinsing out the cups, giving only a nod in response._

_ "You can come back to my house, stay the night there."_

_ "Not if you don't want me to."_

_ He moved closer to her and touched a hand to her shoulder. "Of course I want you to." He gently turned her so she was facing him. "Hey." He gazed at her as he brought his hand up to caress her cheek. "Are you okay?"_

_ "Yeah I'm fine." Hers eyes slipped away from his for a moment and she bit her lip. When she looked up again, she saw his raised eyebrows and an unbelieving and concerned expression. "Anyway," she brightened her tone. "What happens if the hospital phones here?"_

_ His arm wrapped around her waist and he pulled her towards him. "If anyone asks, you can tell them you were spending the night with a charming, wonderful, handsome man."_

_ "And modest as well." She joked, a smile creeping onto her face._

_ "So what do you say?"_

_ "Oh, I don't know. I suppose I can't refuse a charming, wonderful and handsome man now can I?"_


	8. Chapter 8

_ Jill raised herself up slightly, turned on the small lamp and looked at the clock; it was just after three o'clock, and she hadn't slept. She smiled as she felt a pair of arms slip around her waist and pull her back down. Snuggling up to the warm form, she closed her eyes briefly as lips pressed onto the back of her neck._

_ When they had arrived at his house, they had stayed up, talking until almost one, when they then decided they should go to bed if they were going to be at all competent the next day. The idea had been that they would sleep, but two hours after they'd slipped under the covers, they hadn't even dozed, instead chatting and just enjoying being in each other's company._

_ "We should really get some sleep Gordon." She murmured, not really wanting to._

_ "Mmmm." He kissed a path from her neck to her shoulder._

_ She reached up and turned off the light, then turned around in his arms so she was facing him, and he tightened his arms around her, so she was firmly against his chest. "Thank you for tonight." She whispered, and then kissed him lightly on the lips._

_ "Thank you too." He paused. "I love you so much Jill, you don't know how happy I am that we're together."_

_ "If it's anything like the way I feel for you, I do know."_

_ "You're so amazing; your determination, your loyalty, your kindness, beauty, enthusiasm for all that you love…"_

_ Tears sprung to her eyes, his words touching her deeply. "Gordon you're going to make me cry."_

_ He laughed softly, and then pressed his lips firmly to hers. She responded, then after a few moments pulled her head back slightly. "Gordon, you mean more to me than anyone." Her voice was choked with emotion, and she couldn't stop a few tears escaping from under her eyelids._

_ He pressed his lips to her head and drew her even closer to him. She closed her eyes, tiredness finally catching up with her. She soon drifted into a deep, peaceful sleep and awoke the next morning in the same position; her head buried in his chest, and his arms still tightly wrapped around her. She felt a level of peacefulness and at the same time happiness that equalled no other at any other time she could remember. She gently extricated herself from his arms, careful not to wake him, and sat up. The shafts of sunlight filtering through the curtains allowed her to see that the clock read seven thirty. She groaned quietly, knowing she wouldn't be able to stay in bed for long if she wanted to get to work for Monday morning staff meeting at half eight. Just as she was thinking this, Gordon's alarm rang shrilly, causing her to jump and him to be startled out of sleep._

_ She reached over and quickly turned the alarm off. He groaned, rolled onto his back, opened his eyes, and then immediately shut them again in the light. She just sat without a sound and watched him, his chest rising and falling gently, the crinkles round his eyes which were scrunched up, the yellow orange light making the tanned skin of his ruggedly handsome face glow. She smiled, and watched him as he suddenly got up and padded over to the curtains, thinking his red and white chequered pyjama clad form very attractive. He threw the curtains open, allowing the glorious sunshine to fill the room, casting a blanket of warmth over her. She stood up, and still not making a sound, crossed the room over to him and slipped her arms around his waist. It was at times like that, when she could reflect without distractions, that she couldn't quite believe how lucky she was, couldn't believe they were a couple. He turned and wrapped his arms around her, one hand resting on the small of her back and the other sliding up over her shoulders to run through her tussled hair. She smiled, a slightly giddy feeling coursing through her, as she gazed into his eyes, her feeling of total bliss mirrored in his features._

_ "You're beautiful in the morning." He said, uttering the first words of the morning, his voice slightly croaky after sleep. "And you're beautiful in the day, and you're beautiful at night."_

_ Her grin widened. "You're not so bad yourself." She tilted her head and her lips met with him, briefly at first, then they both deepened it. Eventually, reality intruded her thoughts and she pulled away. "We'd better start getting ready. It would look pretty suspicious if we both turned up late together."_

_ He sighed but broke apart from her. "You're right."_

_ Once they'd both washed and changed, they sat in the kitchen, identical smiles still fixed firmly on their faces as they ate breakfast._

_ "I'll pack my things after this, and then we can be off; we should get there in time."_

_ "I don't think there's any need for that."_

_ She looked at him enquiringly and took a sip of her orange juice. "No?"_

_ "You might as well stay tonight. Make the most of it."_

_ An elated feeling filled her. "I'd like that… No, in fact…I'd love that."_


	9. Chapter 9

_They both arrived at work, thankfully on time with ten minutes before the weekly meeting. She had come in her own car as the night before, she had remembered, at the last minute to drive it to Gordon's house._

_They walked up the path to the hospital together, he let her through the door first, a hand lightly on her back, and they entered an unusually quiet reception, the only occupant of which was a bored looking Lizzie, leaning, chin in hand on the front desk._

_"Thank goodness you're here!" She exclaimed, surprisingly energetically, giving her previous position._

_"Why, has something happened?" Jill glanced worriedly across at Gordon._

_"No, no. I'm just so bored. You can keep me company now!"_

_Jill laughed softly, smiling kindly at the receptionist. "Where is everyone?"_

_"I don't know! Dr Goodwin hasn't arrived yet and all the nurses have like disappeared, so have all the patients!"_

_Gordon leant an elbow on the desk. "I shouldn't worry Lizzie, be thankful it's quiet for once."_

_"I know but I'm just so bored!"_

_"Seeing as you're so bored, here's some filing to do." Mr Harper's irritating tones filled their ears and they turned to see him drop a thick stack of papers on the filing cabinet._

_Lizzie grumbled something barely audible, but proceeded to file them nonetheless, a scowl pressed firmly into her features._

_Jill glanced at her watch, it was only a few minutes until the meeting would begin. She was about to suggest to Gordon that they sit down ready, when the door to reception was flung open and a man staggered in, one hand pressed to his eyes and the other to his nose._

_She stepped towards him, removed his hands so she could take a look, and then guided him to her office. "I'll see you later Gordon." She glanced back only to nearly end up on the floor when the man stumbled into her. She steadied herself and him and tightened her grip on his arms, bearing most of his weight._

_"Okay, so what happened?" She questioned when they were both sitting in his office._

_"My wife slammed the door in my face when I got home. I didn't even get into the hallway. The door hit my nose, and when I looked through the letter box to speak to her, she shoved a broom handle through and it hit me in the eye; all because I didn't come home last night!" The man sounded highly incredulous and put out._

_She sighed; it was going to be one of those days. "Okay, let's have a look." She proceeded to conduct a brief physical examination, the man constantly flinching and groaning as she did so. Once she'd finished, she got up, crossed to the sink in the corner of the room and wetted a cloth. She then sat back down and leant back. "There are no broken bones, your nose has stopped bleeding and your eye will be slightly bruised and swollen for a few days; so I suggest that you clean yourself up," she handed him the cloth, "go home and take it easy for the rest of the day." She waited until he'd finished, then took the cloth from him, placing it in the wash bin, showed him out her door, washed her hands, and then entered reception. The meeting was already ten minutes in, Mr Middleditch on the topic of the inappropriate uses of the patients' bathroom that had been taking place. Mr Harper, who was standing next to Mr Middleditch, glared at her as she entered, causing a few staff to glance her way briefly. She ignored the man, and sidled up next to Gordon who was standing at the back, no seats free. She touched her shoulder to his briefly._

_He looked towards her, and then tipped his head her way. "Okay?" He murmured._

_"Yeah." She was about to say more but saw Mr Harper was once again glaring her way, so she turned her attention to Mr Middleditch who had turned onto the topic of not taking pure oxygen even to compensate a hangover._

_She smiled softly, she loved The Royal._

* * *

><p>"Jill!"<p>

Jill turned on her heel; the voice of Doctor Dave Harris reaching her ears. She watched as he jogged up the corridor towards her, narrowly missing a nurse with an armful of bedpans. "Everything okay?"

"Fine. I just wanted to catch you to make sure I asked you." He paused and she raised an eyebrow at him, urging him to continue. "I was just wondering, would you like to go out with me tonight. With Wendy and Neil as well I mean." He stopped and ran a hand over his forehead on which tiny beads of sweat were beginning to appear.

She mulled over his proposition for a few seconds. She liked Dave; he was the one person in the hospital she was close to calling a friend instead of a mere acquaintance, and from the few words she'd spoken to Wendy and Neil, the porter and nurse involved in a seemingly serious relationship, she'd come to the conclusion that they were also nice. She took in the slightly nervous face of the man in front of her and came to her decision. "Yes okay. I'd like that." The idea of returning to her stifling flat wasn't too appealing in comparison anyway.

"Good." He took a few steps backwards then stopped. "I'll pick you up at eight."

"No, no, it's alright. I'll drive there myself." She had to stifle a smirk as he started walking backwards again and nearly bumped into the same nurse with another armful of bedpans.

"Well it's at 'The Grass'. Be there about half eight okay?"

She nodded then snorted as he stepped on Mrs Hander's foot, who had just stepped out a doorway at that inopportune moment, her already snooty, indignant face becoming even more so. She snorted again as her eyes met with his wide, panicked ones as he finally turned around and scuttled away.

Mrs Hander turned her attention to Jill and glared at her, blame emblazoned on her face. Jill however, spun round and proceeded down the corridor, feeling quite buoyant.

That feeling stayed with her all day, up until she stood in front of her open wardrobe, realising she had no clue as what to wear. She didn't know what type of place 'The Grass' was, and if she was totally honest, it sounded like it was either a place where people got high, or where snitches went to hide. For all she knew, it could just be a large field. She sighed and pulled out a burgundy floor length dress and held it up before her. She immediately dismissed it as too dressy. She pulled out many more clothes, none of them seeming suitable for the various possibilities of what 'The Grass' was. Finally, she pulled out a knee length navy blue dress. She held it up against her and looked in the mirror. It wasn't too dressy, nor would it look out of place in a posh place, and it wouldn't be too unsuitable if it did in fact turn out to be a field. That settled her mind then turned to her hair which lay softly over her shoulders, brushed from its earlier ponytail. She sighed.

Eventually, after a long deliberation about her hair, she was on her way, although stopping frequently to check her map. Turning a corner on a quiet road, she saw a large illuminated sign heralding the entrance to 'The Grass'. She checked her watch; only a ten minutes late.

When she entered, the blaring music surged at her, the lights blinding her for a second. Once her eyes adjusted to the flashing lights, she began to move tentatively inwards, the gyrating bodies pushing her in various directions as she craned her neck to try and catch a glimpse of Dave, Wendy or Neil. Spotting the bar to her left, she shoved, squeezed and dodged her way through, receiving a smarting elbow to her cheekbone in the process. Needless to say, it wasn't her idea of a good time; she was beginning to wish it had been just a field.

Once at the bar, she finally saw her colleagues; Dave just finishing a glass of beer, and Wendy and Neil seemingly eating each other's' faces. She came up behind Dave and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around, his eyes lighting up, then immediately ordered her a Babycham. Jill absentmindedly raised a hand to her still stinging cheek as she gazed around, avoiding looking at Wendy and Neil. Dave handed her the drink and they then engaged in a shouted conversation.

The evening passed with much of the same. He had tried to get her more drinks but she refused, she was driving after all. Dave on the other hand, became increasingly drunk as the evening progressed. They had taken to the dance floor just once, but even that had been cut short when a wayward hand smacked into her nose. And so, it was very late at night when Jill received the best proposition she'd had all evening- he suggesting they go outside.

Hand in hand so as not to lose each other in the crowd, they made their way outside, the welcome cool, fresh air hitting Jill in the face.

"Sorry, I was getting hot in there." Dave slurred, his hand gripping hers tightly.

"No, it's fine. I'm glad to get out." She tried to gently remove her hand from his, but failed, his grip being too strong.

He laid his other hand on her shoulder and stood facing her. She moved her head back, the strong smell of alcohol on his breath nauseatingly strong. "Jill…. Jill… Do you know what?" He brought his face closer.

She leant back as far as she could, a bad feeling starting in her stomach. "Erm, I think you should go home."

"No, Jill, wait." The hand on her shoulder slid up to her neck. Pulling her towards him, he pressed his mouth firmly to hers.

Shock freezing her for a moment, she eventually pulled herself roughly away from him. Standing, staring at him, her thoughts whirred. "I don't think that was such a good idea, do you."

As her heels clicked away on the empty road, it was painfully apparent to her that those were the same words she'd said when Gordon had first kissed her. The only difference was, she'd wanted to kiss Gordon.


	10. Chapter 10

_"Are you still staying at mine tonight?" Gordon murmured in Jill's ear as they made their way up the path to the hospital at the end of their lunch break._

_ "You try and stop me." She replied, fighting the urge to kiss him as his breath tickled her neck._

_ He reached forward and pushed open the door to reception, allowing her to enter first. The sight that greeted them was quite the opposite of the morning; Lizzie was certainly not bored with nothing to do; six people crowded round the desk, shouting various demands at her, and Mr Harper stood behind them, his arms full of papers which looked to be destined for Lizzie, and the rest of reception was filled with yet more patients and visitors._

_ Jill turned and raised her eyebrows at Gordon as the noise was added to by a screaming child. "So much for a quiet day, eh."_

_ He chuckled. "Poor Lizzie. Come on; let's make the most of the rest of lunch, in peace." He placed a guiding hand on the small of her back as they made their way through the crowd. When they were half way though, the sound of Lizzie shouting Jill's name stopped them._

_ "Yes Lizzie?" She called, straining to make herself heard over the racket._

_ "There's a message for you. The person said it was important." She held an envelope above her head. _

_ With difficulty, Jill reached over and plucked it from her hand. She took one glance at the envelope, and her heart sank. "Damn." She muttered, and began tearing it open."_

_ "Jill are you okay?" Gordon questioned, whilst pushing her gently out of reception._

_ "Yeah… yeah I'm fine." She replied absently. She scanned the contents of the letter, then turned abruptly and almost ran into the area behind reception. "Lizzie!" She tapped the receptionist's shoulder urgently. "Lizzie!"_

_ "Yes?" Stress was evident in her voice and in her strained smile._

_ "Who gave this to you?" Jill asked, becoming guilty about making more demands on the girl._

_ "Erm, I can't remember." She paused, her face twisted in concentration. "A young lad I think. He said a man outside had told him to give it to me."_

_ Jill sighed, her hope of discovering the writer fleeting. "Thanks Lizzie." She turned and headed back towards Gordon, who was standing waiting for her, looking confused about her behaviour. She just glanced at him and followed him mutely into his office, feeling defeated. The new letter, through its demands and threats, posed a dilemma, and she had no idea how to get round it without telling Gordon all, something she was adamant she was not going to do. Two emotions stopped her; fear and love._

* * *

><p><em> Jill sighed sadly as she stepped back from a patient's bed. The pale form lay motionless, eyes closed, and chest barely rising and falling gently with precious breaths.<em>

_ "Matron, can I have a word please?" She tipped her head towards the door leading out into the corridor._

_ "What is it doctor?" Matron asked once they were standing outside the doors of Fawcett Ward._

_ "It's Mrs Lord." She said, referring to the patient. "She's deteriorating. Can you keep a close eye on her, inform me immediately of any changes?"_

_ "Of course doctor." Matron answered, her voice soft with concern. "Have you any idea what it is?"_

_ Jill shook her head. "The test results are due back tomorrow. Hopefully they will shed some light." She paused and the two women looked at each other. "Look I'll come back tonight, about midnight say, just for one last check. If something happens at any other time during the night, can you let Dr Goodwin know? He's on call I believe, and I might be out."_

_ A slight smile crept onto the older woman's face. "Oh, anywhere nice?"_

_ Her chest tightening slightly, Jill shook her head. "No, no, just catching up with some old friends." She took a shuddering breath then rushed on. "Look Matron, I've got to go." Without giving Matron a chance to reply and not even looking at her to see if she believed her. Jill hurried away, though not quick enough to stop the guilt building in her chest from lying. She tried to convince herself it wasn't really a lie; Gordon was a friend after all, but when it came down to it, it wasn't the whole truth. And she hated it._

_ And that wasn't the only reason she felt guilty. _


	11. Chapter 11

_ "Jill are you okay?" Gordon asked._

_ Jill raised her head from his shoulder. "Mmm. I'm just thinking."_

_ "Oh?" When she didn't respond, he pressed. "What about?"_

_ She was silent for a moment, her gaze distant. "About the day I first met you…"_

_ "And how you instantly thought I was the most handsome man you'd ever met, and you fell head over heels in love with me." He injected, squeezing her shoulder._

_ She drew out of his arms and faced him, one eyebrow raised. "Erm, no. And if you remember, you insulted me by calling me your patient and saying I looked ill!"_

_ He didn't respond, just avoided her eyes as his face became progressively pinker._

_ "You're cute when you blush." Smiling, she reached over and patted his cheek. She drew her legs up onto his settee and curled up next to him, feeling safe and happy when he wrapped his arms around her tightly. They were silent for a while until she spoke again. "What time is it?"_

_ "Twenty to twelve." She could feel the vibrations run through his body and into hers as he spoke._

_ Reluctantly, she extracted herself from his arms, immediately feeling the loss of heat. "I'd best be getting back to the hospital… I won't be long."_

_ "You better not be." He said in a mock-threatening tone._

_ She smiled softly, leant down and kissed him softly. She then exited the house, picking up her bag and coat along the way._

_ Outside, the moon cast a revealing silver glow over her surroundings._

_ She walked to her car, tears pricking her eyes as guilt once again filled her, more intense than any other time that day. She'd just told her second lie of the day, and the fact that it was to Gordon made it worse than ever._

_ The moon looked down on her; the only thing that would see the truth. _

* * *

><p><em> Jill drew her car the directly in front of the Italian gardens and climbed out with trepidation, one hand firmly clasping her bag to her chest, and her other hand inside it, clutching the envelope. It was worse than the last time; she had been able to jump out her car and in again, but this time she couldn't, she would have to walk the winding path down into the gardens and back up again. And worse still, there was no lighting there; she would have to rely completely upon the moon, although that would likely be sparse as the canopy of trees would block most of it.<em>

_ Walking down the slight incline, all she could hear was her heart drumming furiously against her ribcage. She looked around furtively, eyes straining to catch a glimpse of movement; every rustle of the leaves, every patch of moonlight, every distorted shadow made her heart stop, her breathing catch for a second, until they started again, faster than ever._

_ It seemed an age before she reached the small pond in the centre of the gardens. The normally graceful looking statue seemed somewhat threatening, leaning towards her accusingly. _

_ Hands trembling, she brought the envelope containing one hundred and fifty pounds out of her bag and bent down to lay it on the edge of the pond. Straightening up quickly from her vulnerable position, she scanned the area briefly, edging backwards as she did so, before dashing back the way she came, feet pounding hard as terrified tears burned beneath her eyelids. In the darkness, she was unable to see the path before her, and in one mislaid step, her legs betrayed her. Seemingly in slow motion, she was suspended in midair, until she came crashing to the ground, sliding on impact. Shocked and dazed, it was a few moments before the sharp pain registered. Coming to her senses, she hauled herself up, increasingly fearful, and limped up the path. The tears crept over the rims of her eyes and tracked down her face as her occasional sobs interrupted her rapid, rough breaths._

_ When she finally made it onto the road, relief coursed through her, making her light headed. She leaped inside her car, never so grateful to be in its safe confines, and drove the short distance into the hospital car park._

_ She took a moment to slow her breathing and heartbeat, and flicked away her tears with her fingers. A look at her watch told her it was only a few minutes after midnight; she would be there as she said she would to see Mrs Lord, and everyone would be none the wiser._

_ She climbed out her car, bringing her doctor's bag with her, and hurried up the path, still jittery about being outside. Although night, the hospital was still fairly busy; she passed many nurses going about their jobs as she made her way to Fawcett Ward._

_ She didn't have a chance to enter the ward, however, when someone touched her arm, and she turned to see Matron looking solemnly up at her. "Doctor Weatherill," she began, "I'm sorry, Mrs Lord passed away."_

_ All Jill could do was stare for a long while before she found her voice. "How?"_

_ "Her heart simply stopped. It seems she just gave up the fight." She sighed suddenly looking weary before the doctor's eyes. "It's so sad; her husband will be devastated, and her baby…" She tailed off._

_ Jill swallowed hard and inhaled deeply, trying to force away the lump in her throat, and her ever tightening chest. "When?"_

_ "Just a few minutes before you arrived. I was just on my way to phone you or Doctor Goodwin; we need someone to confirm the death." She laid a hand on the doctor's arm. "I'll telephone her husband, ask him to come in."_

_ Jill nodded and ran a heavy hand through her hair. "Look Matron. Could you… I don't think I can…" She tailed off and drew in a shuddering breath._

_ "Do you want me to tell her husband?"_

_ "Yes please. I'm sorry Matron, I know I should, it's just…" She tailed off again._

_ Matron squeezed her arm briefly. "It's okay my dear, I do understand. There are times when death just becomes too much. Just because we're in a profession that deals with it, or the prospect of it all the time, it doesn't mean that we're immune to emotions connected with it. All I need you to do is confirm the death, and then you can go home, or back to those friends of yours."_

_ As Matron finished, Jill had to fight to maintain her composure, tears threatening once again. She didn't deserve the woman's kindness._

_ After she had gone through the procedures, she drove back to Gordon's house on autopilot. Her thoughts were with Mrs Lord. And all the time, in her mind, she was certain it was her fault. If she hadn't had to deliver the envelope, she would have been a few minutes earlier. A few minutes earlier and she would have been alive, she could have saved her. And what made it worse, she'd used Miss Lord as an excuse to Gordon as to why she had to go out at midnight. Slamming her hand hard on the steering wheel, she cursed the writers if her letters, but most of all, she cursed herself._

_ It was in this state she arrived at Gordon's house. She could see a glow through a crack in the curtains of the living room windows, indicating he was still up. She knocked on the door, and didn't have to wait long before it was opened. One look at his smiling face, and she was unable to stop all the sadness, fear, guilt and anger pouring out. She stepped through the doorway, reached out and clung to him, sobs wracking her body as his arms encased her, holding her securely to him. No questions were asked, he just provided her with the comfort she so desperately needed._

_ Once her sobs had faded into occasional shudders, he pulled back slightly but kept his arms securely around her. "What's wrong Jill?" His voice was soft and concerned, demanding no response, only one if she was ready._

_ She unclenched her hands from his shirt and smoothed out the creases she'd made, her eyes focused on the material. She inhaled deeply, trying to cease the hiccups she periodically issued forth. "It's Miss Lord, the patient I went to see. She died." She finally raised her bloodshot eyes to his. She had a husband, Gordon. And a baby!" A whirlwind of emotions building up inside her again, she tore away from Gordon in frustration, paced into his living room and continued to speak. "She was a 24 year old mother, recently married, two loving parents. Now they're left without a daughter, her husband without his wife and a child without its mother! It's not fair Gordon, it's just not fair." She paused, her agitated breaths the only sound in the room. "I couldn't do anything," she continued, her voice softer but harsh all the same. "If I'd have got there a few minutes earlier, if she'd had a different doctor…" She finished on an exhausted breath which her posture reflected._

_ Gordon silently stepped towards her, took her hand and cupped her cheek, raising her head so she was forced to look at him. "Jill, it wasn't your fault. We can't save everyone, we're not miracle workers."_

_ "But-"_

_ "Jill, you're a brilliant doctor, if you there was any way to save her, you would have done it."_

_ "But-"_

_ "It wasn't your fault." He repeated softly but firmly, the intensity of his sincere expression making her absorb his words, though she didn't altogether believe and accept them. He continued staring at her, his eyes seeming to search her face for something. He finally spoke again. "This isn't just about your patient is it?" _

_ It was a statement more than a question. The accuracy of it startled Jill slightly, that is until she realised that he wanted her to tell him, then she felt slightly panicked, her heart rate increasing. She slipped her eyes away from his and began tugging at the bottom of her blouse nervously._

_ He waited in silence, and every time she took a fleeting glance up at him, she saw his expression didn't change._

_ A long moment passed before she came to a decision; she couldn't lie anymore. "You're right Gordon." She said quietly. "It is more than that. I can't tell you though. I really want to, but I just can't. I'm sorry." She held her breath, tensing in anticipation of backlash or a demand to tell him. _

_ None of that happened though. He just uttered a single "Okay."_

_ Though only one word, it told her so much; that he understood, that he wasn't going to push her, that he was and would be there for her whether she was to tell him or not. She looked at him gratefully. "Thank you Gordon."_

_ He smiled and tenderly wiped away the tears that had been coursing down her cheeks. He then led her over to the settee and they both sat down. She settled into his arms and let herself relax. The day had been both emotionally and physically draining. She let her gaze wander aimlessly around the room until it came to rest on the clock, shocked at the time._

_ "Oh Gordon I'm sorry!" She exclaimed turning to face him._

_ "What?" He asked, confusion evident in his voice._

_ "Look at the time." She gestured towards the clock which read five to two. "It's going to be ages before we spend this amount of time together again, and all I've done is cry."_

_ He curved his lips in the smile she found so attractive. "We've still got a few hours left; what do you want to do?"_

_ She raised a hand to her mouth as a yawn escaped her lips. "Sleep." They both laughed gently. _

_ At that moment, for some reason, she thought things were going to be okay. However, this was to be a distant thought the next morning._


	12. Chapter 12

Jill stepped out her car in the hospital car park. Her eyes fell straight onto the one car she'd hoped wouldn't be there. She knew it was going to be awkward between them, she thinking about what he'd done, and he probably either embarrassed that he'd kissed her at all, or resentful that she hadn't returned it. Her only hope was that he'd been too drunk to remember any of it.

She entered reception, head down, not in the mood to face the uptight receptionist and be on the receiving end of her sharp tongue. She was, to her disappointment behind the reception desk, meticulously writing on some file or other. How she longed to be greeted by Lizzie doodling or gossiping idly.

She sighed and stood, waiting for her files and list of house calls. That was something else that was different. No longer did she have to see patients on farms or in the middle of nowhere. She didn't miss the miles of undulating roads however, and her heels sinking into mud, and especially not the time when her shoe got stuck in a patch of particularly deep mud, and when she took her foot out of it, placed her foot, covered only by a pair of tights, in the mud.

She smiled at the memory. It was only after few days though that she found the funny side of it, after her foot was once again clean.

She drifted back into the present and her smile quickly turned into a frown as she realised Mrs Hander hadn't yet acknowledged her presence. She narrowed her eyes slightly, not in the mood for the woman's insolence. She wasn't in the mood for an argument either, so she decided to be pleasant, or at least civil.

"Good morning Mrs Hander." Her voice was sickly sweet, reminding her of how she'd spoken to Mr Harper the first time The Royal had the pleasure of being graced with his presence. Mr Middleditch had generously asked her to show him casualty.

Mrs Hander looked up, not even a twitch of a smile on her lips. Without a word, she reached beneath the desk, brought up a stack of papers and dropped them on her desk. She didn't even apologise when the half the stick slipped and scattered onto the floor at Jill's feet.

She wouldn't put it past the receptionist to have done it on purpose. Forcing herself not to say anything, knowing it would only get her into trouble, she bent down and began picking up the papers, half of which had come out of the files they belonged to. Another file dropped off the pile above her head, so she reached up quickly and brought the rest of them down to her level.

On her hands and knees, papers spread around her as she stuffed others into their respective files, she glanced up occasionally to see patients gazing down at her. When she was nearly finished, a pair of shoes came into her eye line. They stopped a couple of feet in front of her. She looked up to see that they belonged to Dave Harris, making no effort to hide the fact that he was ignoring her.

She kept glancing up, hoping he would meet her eyes so she could convey to him that she wasn't angry at him for what he'd done. He didn't however, and she knew it was up to her to make the first move. "Hello Dave." She called up with forced cheeriness. "Not too worse for wear I hope." She dropped her gaze for a moment as she slotted some papers into a folder. When looked back up, she met eyes that were almost without emotion. They only thing that betrayed him, and told her he was angry were his hands clenching and unclenching by his sides. He grunted some form of a greeting, more so that Mrs Hander hopefully wouldn't suspect anything, than wanting to speak to her, Jill thought. He turned his back on her and started a conversation with the receptionist.

Finally placing the last piece of paper into the last file, Jill gathered everything up and made her way to her office. She was slightly upset by the breakdown of their friendship, but it wasn't really as if they'd become close. It wasn't nearly close to the misery she'd felt all those months ago in Elsinby. And the misery she still felt.

* * *

><p><em> "Doctor Weatherill!"<em>

_ Jill spun on her heel in the corridor, halting her journey to Milner Ward. A slightly out of breath Lizzie faced her, a piece of paper clutched tightly in her hand._

_ "There's an emergency," she paused to look at the paper, "on North Bay. A man's slipped on the rocks and badly injured himself." She thrust the paper into Jill's hand. "I've got to go." She called before running back the way she'd come._

_ "Thanks Lizzie." Jill laughed at her retreating back. She shook her head, amused, and made her way swiftly to her office to collect her bag and coat._

_She smiled to herself, thinking back to much earlier that morning, lying in bed, intertwined in Gordon's arms. As she stepped outside, the weather did nothing to dampen her mood, the sun beating steadily down on her, casting a comfortable warmth over her. She hummed softly to herself as she put her doctors' bag down to ferret in her handbag for her car keys. She fell silent though as she caught something in her peripheral vision. She scanned the area around her curiously. Her eyes fell to her mini, and she saw the movement again, only this time she could pinpoint what it was; a piece of paper trapped beneath her window screen wipers, the edge fluttering in the soft breeze. Her breathing stilled and her stomach churned. She lifted the wiper up and freed the paper, her heart beginning to pound with dread of what she was certain it contained. Her fingers fumbled with the neat folds, until she eventually opened it. She took in the one word scrawled on the otherwise white sheet-_

**_Remember._**

_ Although only one word, it was still enough to instil fear once more into her heart._


	13. Chapter 13

_ Thankfully, no complications arose from the accident, and the patient was delivered to The Royal and after a plaster cast, swiftly put into bed under Sister Brigid's care._

_ So it was only a couple of hours after she'd left the hospital, that Jill was back again and giving her patient one brief check in Milner Ward. Finishing, she flashed a smile at Sister Brigid and made her way out of the bustling ward and into the equally bustling corridor. It was there that she met Gordon with Frankie and Meryl in tow. He gestured for them to carry on and placed a hand on her back, drawing her aside._

_ "Can I ask you a favour Jill?" He smiled, but spoke with some urgency._

_ "Of course. What is it?"_

_ "There's been a bad accident. It sounds like it's going to take some time. Could you cover for me in evening surgery?"_

_ "No problem." She said, thinking that was it._

_ "Thanks. Erm, could you also stay with the kids tonight please? I picked them up from Caroline's cousins' this morning, so Adre is looking after them for the moment."_

_ She blinked, not expecting the second request. "I'd love to. Are you sure they'd be okay with it though?"_

_ "They should be. They know you anyway." He paused and drew a bunch of keys out of his pocket. He continued speaking while removing one from his key ring. "Set yourself up in the spare room. The kids will show you where everything is." He pressed a key into her palm. "Here's my house key. Thanks for this Jill." He then hurried away in the direction Meryl and Frankie had gone, out of the building._

_ Jill gazed after him for a moment, even after he had left her sight. It was only when she heard the giggles of two nurses coming towards her that she moved, and made her way towards Fawcett Ward to continue her ward rounds._

_ After her ward rounds, she returned to reception to beginning evening surgery, where she learned from Lizzie that Gordon had returned from the accident and was in theatre. And so, she had not only her patients and Gordon's patients to see, but also Jeff's as he was anesthetising._

_ Jill ushered a patient out of her office, and entered reception. She glanced at the clock behind the desk to see it was nearly eight o'clock. Picking up the phone, she began to dial the familiar number of Gordon's house, and proceeded to explain the situation to the au pair, and told her that she was going to be late. Putting down the receiver, she turned and smiled at Lizzie who was on her way out. "Bye Lizzie."_

_ "Bye doctor. Have a nice evening." The receptionist replied in her sing-song voice._

_ She smiled after her, before turning to call her next patient, seeing a reception occupied only by a dozen people. She just hoped they wouldn't take too long._

_ This thankfully turned out to be true, as after only an hour later, she had managed to see thirteen patients, and had begun her journey to Gordon's house. She was looking forward to it, whenever she'd spent any time with Tom and Katie, they had always been sweet, well behaved children. It was unfortunate however that it was so late._

_ As she drew her mini up in front of Gordon's house, she saw the soft glow filtering onto the front lawn through a gap in the curtains of his living room. Slightly nervous, she gathered her bags and made her way up the path to his front door, where she slipped his key into the lock and let herself in, closing the door softly behind her. As moved to stand in the doorway of the living room and emitted a soft 'hello' so as not to make the three of them jump._

_ Adre looked up from her position on the settee where she'd been watching Katie and Tom play a board game. Katie and Tom also looked up and smiles spread onto their faces as they saw who it was. Adre rose and stepped over to Jill, looking up at her with a shy expression. "They're both ready for bed. It's past their bedtime but I thought I'd let them stay up so they could see you." Her voice was soft and rather melodious, her Dutch accent very apparent. "I hope that's okay."_

_ "That's fine. Thank you." Jill smiled kindly at the young woman._

_ A few minutes later, she left and Jill was left with the children._

_ "Right you two," she addressed them, "How about we get this packed away, get upstairs and I'll read you a story."_

_ Tom and Katie seemed pleased enough by this proposal, judging by the speed in which the game was tidied and all three of them arrived upstairs. They settled on Katie's bed, one little Ormerod on either side of Jill, and she proceeded to read from a book which Tom had handed her. It wasn't long before Tom dropped off to sleep, and Katie wasn't far off. Smiling softly, Jill picked Tom up and carried him to his bedroom where she put him to bed, without him stirring once. She then went back and tucked Katie in, and she then promptly closed her eyes, succumbing to sleep._

_ Making her way out of the room and closing putting the door to, she then entered Gordon's bedroom and opened his wardrobe doors. At the bottom of the tall closet was the bag she'd left that morning, under Gordon's wishes. It contained a few of her things, kept there if they made impromptu plans for her to stay the night. She retrieved it and then gathered some bed linen from the airing cupboard in the hallway._

_ She made the bed in the spare room and changed into her nightdress hurriedly, tiredness beginning to creep up on her, drawing her towards the bed. She climbed in-between the sheets, allowing herself to relax and sink into the soft pillow. She reached towards the lamp on the bedside table, her hand almost there, when a shattering sound pierced through the silence, gone quickly but leaving a ringing in her ears and the rapid thudding of her heart. Her hand stilled in midair, frozen, her breath held. After about half a minute, a new sound reached her ears. At first it was quiet and then it gradually got louder until she was able to identify it as crying. Her instinct taking over to protect the children, she rushed out into the hallway and into the room next to hers. The sight that met her eyes when she pushed open the door made her heart jolt. Tom was curled in a tight ball, sobbing to himself._

_ She felt slightly unsure of what to do, having had no experience of how to care for children. She tentatively perched on the edge of his bed and laid a hand on his shaking shoulder. His raised his head his eyes wide and frightened, then flung himself at her, sobbing her name._

_ "Shhh. Shhh." She murmured, lifting the young boy onto her lap. "Hey it's okay. Come on, stop crying."_

_ His sobbing waned enough for him to speak. "What was the noise? I'm scared."_

_ She rocked him gently. "I'll go have a look in a minute. Let's go see Katie, eh. Come on." She stood up, him still clinging to her as she carried him into his sister's bedroom._

_ Katie, like Tom, was curled up tightly, only she wasn't crying. Instead she gripped the duvet tightly balled up under her chin. Jill comforted her in much the same way as she did Tom, then left them in the room together, with a promise that she'd be back._

_ Once on the landing, she took a deep breath, and then shook her head slightly, feeling foolish. Never the less, as she descended the stairs, her hand gripped tightly onto the banister and she tried her best to make her descent as quietly as possible, cringing and pausing when she inadvertently placed her bare foot on a step which revealed her presence with a squeak. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she felt even more foolish than before; nothing seemed amiss, no sound could be heard. Just to be sure, she pushed open the door to the living room. A slight breeze reached her as she did. Furrowing her brow, she entered the room, thinking she'd left a window open. She didn't get far however, when a sharp pain shot through her, the source at the sole of her foot. She yelped and brought her foot up in reaction. The fact that it was dark prevented her from seeing the reason for the pain. She let her foot go and hopped back the way she'd come, towards the wall where she knew the light switch was. She flicked it on and light flooded the room._

_ She didn't even examine her foot as her eyes rested on the room. Shards of glass were scattered all over the carpet, and on some of the furniture. Broken ornaments and picture frames that had once resided on the window sill were lying on the floor. And in the middle of the floor was a large brick._

_ Her initial shock at seeing the scene before her quickly turned to dread and fear as she realised who the culprits probably were. No sooner had this realisation sunk in when another smash was heard, from upstairs._


	14. Chapter 14

_She hurtled upstairs, not caring that pain shot through her foot with each step she took. Breathlessly, she stormed into Katie's bedroom to see both children looking bewilderedly up at her, fear written on both their faces. Thankfully though, Katie's window wasn't the one that had been smashed._

_ Jill forced a reassuring smile onto her strained features, then exited the room. Her heart was beating a wild rhythm against her rib cage, the blood thudding in her ears as she entered Gordon's room. Her hand shaking more than she'd ever imagined it could, she flicked on the light switch. Light flooded the room illuminating nothing amiss. A light headed feeling suddenly washed over her as the tiredness combined with the lack of oxygen getting to her brain due her rapid breathing. She lowered herself gingerly onto the edge of the bed and forced herself to slow her breathing down, knowing she'd be no good to Katie and Tom if she got herself into a state._

_ She lowered her head into her hands, and pressed the heels of her palms onto her closed eyes, focusing on that pressure and her slowing breathing. Once she felt the light-headedness had sufficiently passed, she raised her head and blinked a few times as her eyes came into focus. She raised herself up, still a bit shakily then winced as she put pressure on her foot. She was about to examine it when something caught her eye. She whipped around in time to see a shaped make contact with the bedroom window. Without thinking, she flung herself onto the floor. An explosion of glass shot everywhere. Shards flew every which way, cutting and slashing. They imbedded they imbedded themselves all over the room; in the carpet, in the bed, in Jill._

* * *

><p><em> She opened her eyes after she was sure all the glass had fallen. What met her eyes first was the brick that had smashed the window, lying only centimetres from her head. She eased herself into a sitting position, being careful not to lean on any of the glass shards. The already excruciating pain intensified as she did so. It seemed to be concentrated on her side and her cheek. She looked down to see a rip in her nightdress, already staining crimson. She raised a hand and gently touched her cheek, and her fingers came away with the same red, wetness.<em>

_ Another smash met her ears; the source of this one seemed to be downstairs. Her thoughts instantly returned to the children. She had to get them away from the window; it was only a matter of time before they got injured. She carefully but rapidly picked her way through the glass-strewn floor and into the hallway. She entered Katie's bedroom. They both looked even more scared than the last time she'd checked in them. Tom stood up and flung himself at her, sobbing as he did so. She crouched down to his level and enveloped him in a hug, all the while glancing between him, Katie and the window._

_ "Come on." She said, with as much brightness as she could force into her voice. "Let's go downstairs." She picked Tom up, held out her hand to Katie who eagerly grabbed it, and led them out the bedroom, hurrying them through the hall and down the stairs. She had to get them as far away from windows as she could, preferably in a room without windows. She knew though, that there were no such rooms in Gordon's house. She did have one idea though._

_ Once they'd reached the bottom of the stairs, she turned and was relieved to see a door. She opened it to reveal a cupboard under the stairway. It was a fairly large cupboard, big enough for two children once she'd moved a few things out of it anyway._

_ She did so then gently pushed them inside. "You'll be safe in here."_

_ They looked up at her, complete rust written on their faces. Her heart ached to see this. She could only imagine what they'd been through, loosing their mother so young, and now being terrified. She was scared enough; it could only be so much worse for a child, having absolutely no idea what was happening._

_ "What about you, Jill" Katie asked, clinging onto her hand. "Will you be okay?"_

_ She smiled down at her, then with as much conviction as she could muster said, "I'll be fine, don't worry." She wished she could believe that though as a smash met from upstairs, shortly followed by a heavy knock on the door._

* * *

><p><em> Another knock resounded through the still house. Jill eased her hand from Katie's and closed the cupboard door, but left a gap to let some light through. "Stay quiet." she whispered to them as she moved away from the cupboard.<em>

_ She didn't know what to do. Opening the front door defiantly wasn't an option, but she couldn't leave the children in the cupboard all night. She looked around widely, hoping for some inspiration. She didn't have to though, as the letterbox was opened up by whoever was standing outside. She held her breath and pressed her back against the wall, hoping she wouldn't be seen._

_ "Jill?" The person called. _

_ On hearing this, she ran towards the door, recognising the voice. Hands shaking, she unlocked it and flung it open to see Gordon. Wary of the possibility that the person who had smashed the windows might still be outside, she grabbed him and pulled him in, shutting and locking the door behind him. Partial relief flooded through her, and she clung to his upper arms, her whole body trembling. She was no longer confident that her legs could hold her up._

_ "Jill?" He said again, confusion evident in his voice._

_ On hearing their father's voice, Tom and Katie burst out of the cupboard screaming "Daddy!" Gordon moved abruptly away from Jill and scooped his children up in his arms._

_ "What's going on Jill?" His questioning tone was tinged with anger. "Why were my children in the cupboard?"_

_ Before Jill had chance to respond, Katie piped up. "It was horrible Daddy! Someone was smashing all the windows. Me and Tom were really scared!" The end of her sentence became marred as tears was again started to spill over her cheeks._

_ Tom nodded earnestly in agreement with his sister, on the verge of tears himself. "Look Daddy, Jill's been hurt." He removed a hand from its hold on Gordon's shirt to point at Jill's cheek._

_ "Jill, tell me what happened." He murmured, tightening his arms protectively around his children._

_ She swallowed, collecting her thoughts and then began to recount the evening, right from the breaking of the first window, up until Gordon's arrival. By the time she'd finished, the composure and strength she'd maintained all through the evening was in danger of breaking. She turned away from Katie and Tom, not wanting them to see her and upset them more._

_ Gordon placed his children on the bottom step of the stairs, moved over to Jill and placed a hand on her shoulder, gently turning her to face him. "Thank you." He whispered. She smiled in response, and then he continued. "How's about I'll phone the police, then I'll see to your cuts, eh?"_

_ At the mention of police, her eyes widened in horror, she felt the blood drain from her face and her chest tighten. "No, no Gordon, don't do that!"_

_ He frowned quizzically at her._

_ She went on hurriedly before he could say anything. "I mean they'll be long gone by now, they won't have left any evidence, so there's not much point is there?" She trailed off at the end, knowing how stupid she sounded._

_ Gordon's frown deepened and he turned away from her towards the telephone on the table by the door. "I'm phoning the police Jill."_

_ She sighed and leant against the banister as he spoke to the officer on the other end of the phone. She was pretty sure that the people that had smashed the windows were the same ones that were sending her those letters; it would be a big coincidence if it was someone else. They had told her not to tell anyone, so if they found out they were being reported to the police, she hated to think what they'd do._

_ Gordon put down the phone. "They'll be here as soon as possible. They said not to touch anything."_

_ She sank slowly down to sit on the carpet, drew her legs up to her chest, regardless of the pain it caused in her side. She wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her chin on top of them. She sighed, a deep, deep sigh, but in no way was it a defeated sigh._


	15. Chapter 15

_It was a while before it dawned on her that the smashing had stopped. As this realisation, the last thudding of her heartbeat resided from her ears, allowing her to hear everything properly for the first time. She looked to see Gordon crouching in from of the children, and heard his soft murmurs to them. The sound washed over her, and she allowed her taught body to be soothed and relaxed by it. _

_ She breathed deeply, still crouched on the floor, and gently reached down to touch the congealing blood on her side, the nightdress beginning to stick to it in a red, bloody mess. Her fingertips then travelled up to her face, where nearly the whole of one side was covered in the same red liquid, now drying and darkening, accompanied by an angry bruise. _

_ Her hands moved again, this time to massage her forehead as a vice clasped onto it. She moved her fingers methodically, as if to coax the pain away. It wasn't long before the vice loosened to a gentler pressure. _

_ She withdrew her hand, and raised her head to see Gordon looking at her, his brow creased with concern. He raised his eyebrows in question, and she nodded, smiling briefly in response, no words needed to break the silence. He kissed each of the children on the head; his display of fatherly affection showing her just how much he loved those children. He moved to crouch in front of her, and lay his hand on hers. His fingers curled around her smaller ones, the steady warmth transferring to her chilled extremities. His other hand came up to brush her hair from her face, then glided over her injured cheek, his gaze rested there, seemingly debating what would be the best aid. He then turned his attention to her side. His hand lowered, and she grimaced in anticipation, and sure enough, when he started to pull the once soft material out of the way, pain stabbed at her, and she jerked away in reflex. "Okay." He murmured soothingly as he once again reached towards her. "Just keep still." He once again began to peel away the satin where it was glued with blood to her wound, the torn ends penetrating inside of it. Pain swept through her again, and she clawed onto his shoulder, willing him to stop. He continued and she whimpered, gripping still harder onto him, her nails digging deep, surly hurting him, even through his coat. "Okay," he murmured once again, and took his hand away, the fingertips now stained with her blood. "This'll take longer than I thought. We'll see to it after the police have been." _

_ And sure enough, as if they heard, there was a sharp rapping on the door, and a male voice filtered through, "It's the police."_

* * *

><p><em> Gordon rose and opened the door. The light from the hallway spread out into the front garden, and illuminated two policemen, one whom both Jill and Gordon knew to be PC Phil Bellamy, and the other, a young, skinny man, with an innocent somewhat naïve looking face, a face of one who hadn't seen any of the horrors of the world. They entered and then PC Bellamy introduced his colleague as PC Geoff Younger.<em>

_ The later of the two gazed around until his eyes fell on Jill's blood caked cheek, where he remained transfixed. Jill, somewhat self-consciously raised her hand to cover her cheek. This though, revealed her wounded side to the policeman and so his gaze dropped, his face became tinged with a shade of green. _

_ Jill felt Gordon place his coat around her shoulders and caught her eye. He flicked his eyes towards PC Younger and then back to her and winked. She smiled gratefully at him then turned her attention back to PC Bellamy. "So I need to see all the damage done and then take statements from all of you." _

_ "Even the children?" Jill asked, slightly worried, it wasn't something she wished the children to be embroiled in, considering the cause of it. _

_ "'Fraid so." he nodded, somewhat gravely. He then turned his attention to Katie and Tom and crouched down in front of them so he was at their level. "Your Dad and Jill are going to show me around the house, and then you two will need to tell me everything that happened, okay. Don't worry Geoff here will stay with you. He might even be persuaded to play Monopoly." He straightened up, winking at them as he did so. The start of a smile began to creep onto the tired faces of the children. "Right, Doctor Ormerod, Doctor Weatherill, if you'd like to show me the damage." _

_ They nodded and Jill slipped her shoes on that were by the door, to protect her feet from the glass. They entered the living room first. Jill and Gordon both stood to one side as PC Bellamy made his way around the room, pausing every now and then to make notes in his pocket book. He paid particular attention to the brick before continuing to examine the room. Once he was finished, he turned to them, and gestured to the blood covered light switch. "Where did the blood come from?" _

_ She told him how she cut her foot while he listened, sympathy in his eyes. _

_ "Ahh, so that explains the blood stains on the carpets then." He replied before making further notes. _

_ While he was doing this, Jill turned to Gordon. "Sorry about your carpets." She whispered, before glancing down at the many dark patches. _

_ He placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed her gently. "I don't care about the carpets Jill, I'm just glad you three are alright."_

_ Once he'd finished his notes, he was led around the rest of the house. The last room to visit was the guest bedroom. They came out and stood in the hallway. They could clearly hear the children's giggles and occasionally Geoff's voice as he entertained them._

_ "It's weird how the only rooms that haven't been damaged are the children's." Jill said in hushed tones, mindful that if they could hear the children, the children could probably hear them."_

_ PC Bellamy nodded in agreement, then spoke, his eyes moving between Jill and Gordon's. His voice was serious. "As I see it, we've got two possibilities; one, that it's a coincidence that those were the only two rooms left, or two, that someone knows this house and perhaps with a little conscience, left their rooms alone."_

_ "But that'll mean it's our friends, my family, or Caroline's family!" Gordon exclaimed loudly. Jill placed a gently hand on his arm, trying to get him to calm down._

_ "As I say Dr Ormerod, it could just be a coincidence, but we can't rule out the other possibility." PC Bellamy paused, his eyes fixed on Gordon whose face was creased with worry. "Now Dr Ormerod, is there anyone you know of that would want to harm you, your family, or even Dr Weatherill if they knew she was here tonight."_

_ Gordon ran a hand over his face, suddenly looking very weary. His eyes had lost their characteristic twinkle and no hint of a smile was present on his face. His shoulders were slumped and his posture looked defeated. "No, I don't know. I mean, what would they have against us?" His voice held a somewhat pleading note to it, as if asking for someone to agree with him, tell him everything was okay, wipe the whole night away so it never happened._

_ PC Bellamy closed his eyes briefly, obviously not liking being the harbinger of bad news. "Dr Weatherill, can you think of anyone?"_

_ She shook her head and dropped her eyes to the floor, certain they'd give her away. Even faced with a policeman, someone who had the power to make her nightmare stop, she still couldn't divulge her secret. She couldn't take the chance._

_ "Okay. I'll get my sergeant to come up here tomorrow. Until then, I suggest you all try and get some sleep. PC Younger and I will stay in case whoever did this decides to return."_

_ "Thank you constable." Gordon said and shook his hand. Jill murmured her thanks also._

_ "We'll do everything we can to catch the culprit, and make sure you're all safe. I'll go speak to PC Younger now." He smiled reassuringly at them, then descending the stairs, leaving them alone."_

_ "I don't understand Jill!" Gordon said, turning towards her. "What have any of us done to deserve this? The children…" He tailed off as his voice caught._

_ She moved towards him and laid an arm across his back. "You don't deserve this Gordon, none of you do." She rested her head against his cheek. They stayed like that for a few minutes, neither speaking. To Jill, in those few minutes, it seemed as if everything else faded away, leaving just the two of them, joined together in the ordeal, together, yet apart, and what was between them, separating them from being one, was Jill's secret. Her guilt was pushing her away from him, bit by bit, until one day, she feared she they would be totally separate. Yet even with this invisible threat, she couldn't tell him, couldn't tell anyone about the letters. The reason was because she simply loved him too much for him to get hurt, and if the price to pay for her love was to be separate from him, then so be it. It was a much smaller price than the warnings in those letters._

_ Gordon eventually pulled away from her. "Come on let's get your injuries sorted." They descended the stairs hand in hand, for that moment at least, they were connected._


	16. Chapter 16

_"PC Younger, please take Tom and Katie upstairs." PC Bellamy asked after Gordon had informed him that he was going to deal with Jill's injuries._

_ PC Younger seemed quite pleased with the order, judging by the queasy look on his face as the children led him by the hand upstairs._

_ "They seem to have taken quite a shine to him." Jill commented, gazing up after them._

_ Phil smiled. "He's good with children. Seems as if it's the only think he's good at sometimes." He then turned to Gordon. "Is there anything you'd like me to do to help?"_

_ Gordon looked up from his medical bag. "Have you got a torch?"_

_ He nodded and drew it out from his pocket._

_ "I'd like you to shine it on the wound when I get started, so I can see it better." He stood up and started towards the kitchen. "I'm just going to wash my hands."_

_ Jill shifted to make herself comfortable on the stairs. Her side was the most painful, it alternated between a deep throbbing to sharp stabs. She also knew that it would be the most painful when Gordon saw to it, since her nightdress was stuck in a bloodied mess. She attempted to run a hand through her hair but got stuck, it too a matted mess of blood. She dropped her hand to her lap, hating to think about what she looked like._

_ "Okay." Gordon had returned and began pulling various items out of his doctors' bag. "PC Bellamy."_

_ The constable nodded. He settled a few steps above Jill, and Gordon sat beside her._

_ "I'm going to clean them up, use some antiseptic, and then we can see what else needs to be done. Okay?"_

_ Jill nodded and braced herself as he reached up towards her cheek. His touch was gentle and he worked silently, thoroughly cleaning the wound, his face a picture of concentration, one side of which was illuminated by the torchlight, the other darker in comparison. Although he was gentle, Jill couldn't help but wince periodically as the swab made contact. _

_ The cut started just below her eye, near her nose and ran in a red bloodied diagonal streak to end a couple of centimetres from her ear._

_ "You're getting a lovely coloured bruise there." Gordon murmured, to which Jill smiled at, then grimaced. "Okay, now for the antiseptic." He looked raised his eyes to hers. "I don't suppose I need to tell you it'll sting." He put some of the liquid onto a clean swab then applied it to her wound. There was nothing for a few seconds, and just when she was starting to think nothing would happen, it started stinging with a vengeance. She drew in sharp breath and clenched her fists, her nails biting into her palm. After a while, however, it receded, and she relaxed. "Okay?" He asked her. She nodded. "Now just for the other two."_

_ "Oh don't." She moaned, half smiling at the inevitability of it._

_ "Constable, could you shine the torch here." Gordon indicated her side. It was deeper than that on her cheek. The glass had slashed from just below her ribs, almost vertically down for about two inches. He studied it for a moment then looked up at her. "I'm going to have to cut the material away. Is that okay?"_

_ "Yeah, do what you want."_

_ Gordon brought out a pair of scissors, then ever so slowly began to cut away the thin material. The cold blade pressed to her skin making her shiver involuntarily. "Keep still." He murmured. His head was bent so she couldn't see his face, but she could imagine it. She kept the image in her mind as he began to peel the material away, she trying to block out the pain. It didn't work though._

_ She cried out his name, but he didn't stop. She could feel the material being ripped from her, the blood holding it to her torn skin until it was pulled away. She didn't need to look to tell the bleeding had started again. Nor did she need to look to tell his wasn't even a quarter of the way finished. "Gordon, please!" She cried; her voice higher and more desperate than she would have liked it to be, especially in someone else's presence. That someone else being PC Bellamy, who although directing the torch beam where Gordon had instructed him, was averting his eyes, seemingly finding the place where the ceiling and the wall met much more interesting._

_ The pain suddenly intensified another notch. Jill jerked herself away in reflex and clasped her hand over the laceration. She pressed herself as close as she could against the wall as if that would prevent Gordon from getting at it. "Please, Gordon, stop." She pleaded pitifully then mentally berated herself, thinking herself weak._

_ "Jill, you know I have to do it."_

_ She nodded but still didn't remove her hand._

_ He sighed. "Look Jill, we're both tired, the sooner we get this done the better. Are you going to let me help you, or are you just going to sit there?"_

_ His harsh, impatient tone wasn't lost on Jill. She moved her hand, but turned her head away so her face was hidden from him by her hair. Tears came unbidden to her eyes, partly due to the way he'd spoken to her, partly due to the pain, and partly due to tiredness. She blinked them away but they came back to blur her vision again when the pain once again increased. A few escaped but she wiped them away quickly with a trembling hand. She was glad that PC Bellamy as well as Gordon couldn't see her face. She bit down on her lip hard, but didn't make a noise. After a while she began to taste blood as her teeth cut into the soft skin, but she didn't care._

_ It was while before Gordon stopped. She presumed he'd finished separating the material from her wound. Then she felt him using the swab.. It wasn't long after before something else was pressed on, and the sharp sting that followed told her it was the antiseptic. She whimpered, and a few tears dropped onto her nightdress. She brushed them away, but the spreading dark dots gave them away. She heard Gordon rummage in his bag, then press something onto her side. He still didn't speak to her. She risked a glance at him but couldn't see the expression on his face. Once he was finished, he started on her foot, and began to carry out the procedure again. PC Bellamy moved to crouch at the bottom of the stairs._

_ Her foot had the smallest injury of the three on the surface, but it was the deepest, the glass having pierced the sole quite severely when she'd stepped on it._

_ She couldn't blame Gordon for being annoyed at her. She guessed he was probably angry at her as well. It was bad enough that he had to spend time cleaning her up, she thought, but it was even worse that she was moaning and being uncooperative. She leant her elbow on her knee and dropped her head into it wearily. She'd have to do some serious apologising, she decided._

_ "I'm going to have to use tweezers." Gordon said. "There's still some glass in here, along with some fluff."_

_ Jill merely nodded. She might have been making something out of nothing, but she couldn't detect any warmth in his voice. She thought he would probably talk to his patients nicer. She hoped it was just tiredness making her overanalyse things._


	17. Chapter 17

_After Gordon had cleaned her foot and put a dressing on, he went straight into the kitchen, not saying a word except for a brief 'thank you' to PC Bellamy._

_ "Doctor, are you okay?"_

_ Jill looked up at the sound of PC Bellamy's voice to see him looking at her with some concern on his features._

_ She smiled briefly at him, though she didn't really feel like doing so. "Yeah, I'm fine." She lied. In reality, guilt was eating away at her, and she was worried about what she was going to say to Gordon. She really did need to apologise to him, but didn't know how it would be received. Part of her wanted to do it as soon as possible, but another, cowardly part of her wanted to put it off as long as she could. She didn't want to see him looking at her with a cold or even angry expression as she sure he would. And he had plenty to be angry about. The trouble that she'd caused him, both what he knew and also what he didn't; that the whole situation was her fault. Of course she couldn't tell PC Bellamy all of this so she pretended she was okay._

_ She sighed, wishing this was true. She wished a lot of things actually; wished that the situation was real, wished that Gordon wasn't involved, wished that she didn't have to keep lying to everyone; wished that she knew why she was being targeted in this way. If she knew, she might be able to stop it. Now she was even more scared than she had been before because if whoever was doing this found out that the police had been called, they might actually carry out their threats._

_ She felt something on her hands and broke away from her thoughts to PC Bellamy's hands on hers, and noticed that her own were shaking visibly._

_ "Doctor, are you sure you're okay?"_

_ Jill nodded, but without the conviction to convince him._

_ "I'm going to get Doctor Ormerod." He made to get up but Jill grabbed his arm, preventing him._

_ "Don't, he doesn't want to see me. I don't want to cause him any more trouble."_

_ "I'm sure that's not true. I can see how much he cares for you."_

_ At this, Jill froze, she felt her chest constricting in mild panic. Did he know about them? Was it that obvious? She was about to protest when he carried on, his tone neutral and she realised nothing was implied in his statement other than friendship._

_ "Look, I'll go talk to him. I'm sure it's just the stress and shock of what's happened; he's not angry at you."_

_ Jill conceded and dropped her hand from his arm, allowing him to get up and go into the kitchen. She just hoped he was right._

* * *

><p><em> Jill didn't know how long it had been since PC Bellamy followed Gordon into the kitchen, but it had been too long for her liking. She shifted, trying to make herself more comfortable, an impossible task since she was perched on the hard stairs. Trying to distract herself from her discomfort, she focused on the sounds filtering down to her from Katie's bedroom. She heard PC Younger's voice then heard the hysterical giggles of the children. A good sign she thought; hopefully they hadn't been too affected by the night's events.<em>

_ Despite her relief of hearing the noise from above, it couldn't distract her forever, and her thoughts turned once again to the kitchen. Unable to bare it any longer, she rose, and limped towards the closed door. Pausing outside of it, she strained, but could hear nothing but the muffle of the low, deep voices of the men. She knocked softly, vaguely aware of how ridiculous it was to knock on a kitchen door, then gingerly opened it, wary of the scene she would confront behind it. Half of her wanted to close the door and retreat to the relative ignorance of her stance on the stairs- she wholeheartedly agreed with whoever said ignorance was bliss at that moment._

_ However, the option of a retreat was ended as the voices stopped, indicating they had registered her presence. She pushed the door open further. PC Bellamy glanced at her. The two vertical lines between his eyebrows were more pronounced, and numerous lines of worry or concern marked his forehead. She couldn't see Gordon's face; his back was to her, but she could guess his mood from his hunched shoulders and slumped posture._

_ She looked back at PC Bellamy. He flashed a brief smile at Gordon before walking past her out the door, touching her arm briefly as he did so. She shifted on the spot for a few moments, unsure of how to start. Not knowing what his mood towards her made it difficult for her to decide whether to proceed with an inquiry into his feelings, or to start with an apology. Knowing it was stupid to stand without saying or doing anything and possibly making the situation worse, she started with the simple, tentative utterance of his name. "Gordon..."_

_ He made no acknowledgement that he'd heard her, but she knew she'd said it loud enough. After a few moments, when she thought he was going to ignore her completely, he turned around. She was shocked to see the utter sadness and pain on his face. Tear tracks ran down his face, and more brimmed on the edges of his eyes, ready to spill it seemed, at any moment._

_ Once again, she was unsure what to do. She'd only seen him cry on very few occasions, mostly after Caroline's accident and the subsequent repercussions. On those occasions, she'd offered him comfort and most of the time, he'd taken it. However, on those occasions, she was sure of their friendship._

_ Despite the uncertainties, she couldn't just leave him there, so she did what she'd done those times before albeit more tentatively. Without a word, she closed the distance between then and laid a hand on his shoulder. He didn't flinch away, which must have been good sign, so she drew him closer. Soothing noises left her lips, her hands both stroked his back and his head, trying to ease the tension. His hair was soft beneath her fingers, a significant comparison to his taught back, but eventually, he relaxed slightly._

_ She pulled away, just enough so she could look at him, her eyebrows raised in question, and an encouraging soft smile curved her lips._

_ "Sorry..." He laughed humourlessly. She gently shook her head in admonition telling him without words that there was need for apologies. "It's just tonight. I can't help thinking that Katie and Tom could have been injured, and you even more so. And what effect will this have on them? And I just don't understand why anyone would want to do this. And who?"_

_ Jill held up her hand, stemming the gush of words from an increasingly agitated Gordon. "Firstly," she said softly, attempting to get him to relax again, "Katie and Tom weren't hurt at all. There's no use dwelling on what could have happened. And," she stressed, as he opened his mouth to speak, "I just heard them laughing with PC Younger so I doubt tonight has affected them too much. As for me, I'll live." She smiled at him, rubbing her hand up and down is arm, but her tone became more serious. "The police will do everything they can to make sure we're all safe and so nothing of the sort will happen again."_

_ Gordon finally smiled and nodded his tine lighter, playful. He was seemingly convinced by her words, more than she herself was probably. "You're right, as usual."_

_ "Come on, let's go see Katie and Tom, eh."_


	18. Chapter 18

_Her eyes roamed around Katie's dark bedroom. She could just make out the shapes of Katie and Tom, both of whom seemed to be asleep._

_Earlier, as Gordon had tried to persuade them to go to bed, they had insisted that they didn't want to be alone for the rest of the night, both becoming quite tearful, clinging to their father, and, much to her surprise, to Jill aswell. After gentle persuasion from Gordon, contradicting her declaration that she didn't want to intrude a moment longer, Jill stayed. And so it ended up with Katie and Tom on Katie's bed, and Gordon and Jill on a small, squeaky, uncomfortable camp bed pushed into the corner of the room. The two constables were downstairs with the kettle and biscuit tin, keeping watch_

_Her eyes wandered again, focusing on the lamp shade on the ceiling, highlighted by the shaft of moonlight sneaking through a gap between the curtains. She finally settled on the side of the bed which was on her eye level, and then closed her eyes. Sleep however, stubbornly refused to come, resting just out of her reach. Her mind refused to relax, she just kept going over the events of the evening, guilt and anger very much at the forefront of her mind, but still there was fear; of what could have happened and what might still happen. She shuddered involuntarily and her eyes snapped open again. _

_She felt Gordon shift behind her, and his arms snaked their way around her. One brushed her wounded side and she flinched, drawing a sharp intake of breath. "Sorry." He murmured and moved it, so his hand rested on her thigh. His other arm held her to him so she could feel his chest against her back, feel his heartbeat. _

_She shifted and snuggled as close as she could to him. She reached for his hand and intertwined her fingers with his. His thumb on his other hand rubbed soothingly on her leg. His lips were in her hair then they moved to kiss her gently on the back of her neck, before they were removed, and Gordon moved to lean on his elbow. She, letting go of his hand, shifted partially onto her back so she could gaze up at him, his arm beneath her. His hand left her leg to caress her cheek. "You okay?" He whispered, holding her close to him. _

_She nodded, murmuring "yes" as she did so. _

_He stayed leant up for a few minutes before he lowered himself back beside her. _

_"Don't worry," he whispered after a while, "The police will find out who did this." But that was what was worrying her the most._

* * *

><p><em>Jill awoke, for a moment disorientated. At first the only thing she knew of was the excruciating pain on one side of her face, the side she was lying on. She soon realised where she was. There were no sounds in the room apart from the soft breathing of the three other occupants. It was still dark so she guessed she hadn't been asleep for long. She tried shifting position, the camp bed made for one groaned as she moved. She stilled, not wanting to wake anyone else up. Gordon mumbled something and shifted his leg, but apart from that, all was still.<em>

_She tried to stretch her stiff limbs but the confined space prevented it. The same as it prevented her from lying on her back. She couldn't lie facing Gordon her other side either, else she would have her weight pressed onto her injured side._

_Sighing, she eased herself into a sitting position, the springs squeaking again, and she lowered herself to the floor, leaning her back against the metal bar making the edge of the bed. It was the least painful position she could be in, although it couldn't be classed as comfortable; the hard floor and the metal bar pressed against her spine could have done with being softer._

_She sighed again, resigning herself to the prospect spending the rest of the night awake on the floor. That was until she felt a hand brushing the top of her back, and heard Gordon's concerned voice. "Can't sleep?"_

_She twisted to see him raised up on one elbow. The hand on her back moved to her shoulder and she rested her cheek on it briefly before shaking her head. "It just hurts." The pain, the tiredness, the events of the evening and her inability to sleep culminated within her to make her embarrassingly a little emotional, and she was subsequently ashamed to sound like a child whining. Gordon didn't seem to mind though. He just sat up, his back against the wall and patted the bed. She rose and settled between his legs, sinking against his chest. He pulled the duvet around them and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close._

_Despite herself, a stinging tear escaped from under her eyelid, and once that had, many more followed. She tried to hide them from Gordon, and even though he couldn't see, he seemed to sense it, and tightened his hold on her. Either that, or he felt the increasing dampness of his pyjama top. She snuggled down further in his arms and finally left out some of the tension the evening had created within her. Although of course, she couldn't properly relax; too many emotions swirled and mixed within her, tangling to make one big mess of worry. But, she tried to push it to the back of her mind. Tried to focus on the feel of Gordon's protective arms, his solid, yet yielding torso, absorb herself in the steady rhythm of his heartbeat and the gentle rise and fall of his chest and allow it to lull her to sleep._

_And finally, she was comfortable. _


	19. Chapter 19

_ "Good morning Lizzie." Jill rang out in the most cheerful voice she could muster._

_ "Good morning doct-" She stopped as her eyes fell upon Jill's face. "Doctor, what did you do? Does it hurt? What happened? What did you do?"_

_ "It's nothing really Lizzie." She actually smiled genuinely. The receptionist's frantic tone both amusing and touching her_

_ "Sorry about what happened to your windows doc." Ken suddenly called from the back of reception to Gordon who was standing just to the side of her. "Me nephew in Whitby fixes windows. He can do 'em on the cheap for you. At least 10 Bob less than most."_

_ "How did you know?" Gordon asked, incredulity lacing his voice as well as his expression._

_ Ken grinned. "Small town doctor, small town."_

_ "Oh!" Lizzie exclaimed and their attention was drawn back to her. "Were you at Doctor O's house? Was that how you got hurt."_

_ "I was babysitting." Jill said hastily, not wanting any suspicions to arise. "Can I have my files please, before Harper catches us wasting hospital time, money, resources and whatever else he can think of."_

_ She nodded, flicking her blond hair behind her ear before picking up a stack of papers and files and depositing them in Jill's arms. "There's one problem doctor."_

_ "What Lizzie?" She sighed, she'd hoped today would be free of complications, a little optimistic being a doctor, but nevertheless, she'd hoped._

_ "This house call." She placed another sheet on the pile. "Mr George Sullivan called, said he was your patient and gave this address. The only thing is, I can't find his file at the moment." She looked nervously up at Jill._

_ "It's okay Lizzie. If you don't find it I'll have to manage. Is that all?"_

_ At a nod from Lizzie in response, Jill walked towards her office, ready to start another day ridden with complications. Little did she know how complicated it would be._

* * *

><p><em> She drew up outside the house of Mr George Sullivan. It looked deserted; the door half rotten, half the windows were either cracked or smashed. The gate hung off its hinges and the path behind it was almost totally obscured by weeds. She checked the address Lizzie had given her to be sure, but, no, she was at the right place.<em>

_ She got out the car, then made her way towards the house. The gate scraped along the paving slab and the hinge squeaked, both noises combining to create a somewhat eerie sound._

_ She picked her way along the path, being careful not to get her ankles stung by the vast array of nettles. When she reached the door, she rapped loudly on it, some flakes of what was left of the red paint fall off as she did so. After a few moments, when there was no answer, she knocked again, then tried opening it. Despite its state, the lock held firm, and still, no one came to open it._

_ An uneasiness began to form in the pit of her stomach. She couldn't say why, but things just didn't seem right, and it went beyond the physical appearance of the place. She began to wonder if there was a patient at all, after all, the place looked uninhabitable. Despite this, she started down the side of the house, looking for another door. She couldn't just turn away and potentially leave an ill or injured person just because of a 'feeling'._

_ She tried to convince herself she was being ridiculous. There were plenty of potential explanations. She'd visited numerous patients in poor houses, though admittedly none as bad as this. Nevertheless, it wasn't inconceivable. And the reason for Mr Sullivan not coming to the door might be because he was hard of hearing. He might even be in the back garden, thought judging by the state of the front garden, Jill thought it unlikely._

_ The path she took round the side of the house was worse than the previous one. It was barely recognisable as a path. She winced numerous times as nettles snagged at her tights and skin around her ankles, and nettles stung at her. She glanced down briefly and tutted to herself at the newly created ladders making their way up her leg._

_ She'd just rounded the back of the house when a movement caught her eye. She spun round, her heart beginning to pound out of nervousness. She was just beginning to feel foolish when an arm snaked quickly around her waist from behind and pulled her against the body it belonged to. A scream escaped her but was quickly smothered when a hand was clamped over her mouth._

_ "There's no use screaming, no one can hear you." This came from another person who moved to stand in front of her. The face was covered by a black balaclava, leaving only the eyes visible. Hard, cold, sinister, blue eyes, boring intently into her._

_ She could tell by the voice that it was a man, but that was all; everything else being obscured by the balaclava._

_ She tried desperately to free herself, tried biting and spitting on the hand covering her mouth, tried hitting, kicking, stamping, anything. Fear made her wild, she flailed desperately, all the could think of was escaping, and she might have, except the man moved his hand down from her mouth to rest his arm around her neck, pressing firmly against her windpipe. She let out an ear piercing scream, but stopped struggling, for fear he would strangle her. She panted, suddenly exhausted and glared at the man in front of her. She saw a movement of the balaclava and imagined him smiling sinisterly at her._

_ "What did you do to you face, my dear Jill?" He reached out and ran a finger over her injury. She flinched, both from pain and from disgust at being touched by him. She tried to jerk her face away, but the arm around her neck prevented her, so she did the only thing she could. She spat. Her spittle landed just below his eye._

_ Slowly, he reached up and wiped it away, his eyes darkening with anger as he did so, making her instantly regret her actions. Moments afterwards, the man holding her pressed his arm harder against her throat. She tried inhaling, but couldn't; her windpipe was being crushed. She scratched frantically at the arm and tried to draw breath. Darkness was beginning to creep in from the edges of her vision. Dizziness and fuzziness increasing affected her brain, making it difficult to think straight. Her head felt like it was going to explode with the increasing pressure of blood pounding, pounding, pounding, carrying some of the last oxygen in her body from her burning lungs. Just when she thought she was going to pass out, the arm loosened, allowing her to gasp and painfully fill her lungs with much needed oxygen. The sudden inrush of air chocked her and she coughed dryly to the extent that she heaved but she swallowed back the bile that rose in her throat._

_ The man facing her moved closer and placed his hand on her cheek again. "If you don't obey me, Jill Weatherill, there's more where that came from. Now," he stepped away from her and abruptly changed his tone of voice into some more brisk. "I want to know why you didn't obey me last night."_

_ "I don't know what you're talking about." Jill croaked, deciding to act ignorant, but instantly regretted it._

_ "DON'T TREAT ME LIKE A FOOL!" He screamed._

_ The sound seemed to echo around the otherwise quiet rural area. It resounded in her head long after it had been uttered. It terrified her more than she had since it had all started; all the letters, demands, threats, even the horror of the night before. This scream was much worse than all of them._

_ She didn't know what to say. She didn't doubt he would hurt her again, or at least have her companion do it. And she forced herself to realise that he might even kill her._

_ She looked around wildly, hoping against hope that there would be some escape, or even just an idea of what to say that wouldn't anger him further. She was desperate to know why they were doing this to her, but it wasn't an option to ask; the consequences could be just too great._

_ After what seemed liked hours, he finally spoke, providing her with minute relief that she didn't have to speak. This time, his voice was quieter, lower and he started intently at her, all contributing to make what he said more sinister and threatening._

_ "I'm going to ask you again, and this time, I want a proper answer. Understand?"_

_ She tried to utter a 'yes', but no sound came out. Her throat constricted in panic. She nodded quickly._

_ "Now, why did the police coppers come last night?"_

_ How could she answer that without provoking fury? If she said she'd phoned them, he'd be sure to hurt her, after all, she'd broken one of his 'rules'. But in no way was she going to mention Gordon. He was more involved than she would have liked in to be already. If she said he phoned, there was no telling what would happen to him._

_ She shifted nervously on the spot, immediately stopping when the arm tightened slightly, exerting more pressure on her already bruised throat._

_ The eyes of the man in front of her darkened with each second she remained silent, and the more they darkened, the faster her heart beat. Blood pounded around her head, creating the only noise in the otherwise deadly silent area. There wasn't even a single song of a single bird. It was as if they sensed the danger, the anger, the fear, and stayed well away. The only solitary bird, a jackdaw, had flapped away when he'd screamed, squawking above them. How she'd wished she could follow it._

_ More seconds passed, and still, she was silent, wracking her brains as to how to respond. But she was silent too long.  
>"Tell me!" He roared. Spittle flew out his mouth, wetting the black material on his face, creating an even darker patch. Eyes bulging, the small area exposed by the balaclava visibly flooded with crimson.<em>

_ Whereas she was shaking with fear, he was shaking with anger._

_ She drew in a deep breath, finally at a decision. _


	20. Chapter 20

_She had decided to avoid answering the question directly. Instead, she told him simply that the police had no leads. She held her breath, hoping it would satisfy him. It took only a few seconds for her to realise it didn't. He drew himself up, and pushed his face up to hers so they were only a millimetre or so apart. Even through the balaclava, she could feel his hot air on her face as he exhaled, and smell the surprisingly clean, sharp mint odour, mixed with the mustiness of the dark, woollen material. "That's no answering my question." Once he'd growled this, thankfully, he drew back slightly before he carried on. "Let me guess, lover boy Ormerod phoned them."_

_She stilled, her fear temporarily replaced by shock. No one knew about them! No one! How could this- presumed- stranger know? "How…?" She trailed off, unsure whether he would be happy to answer._

_"How do I know?" He actually laughed, but it wasn't a humorous laugh, it was more of a self-satisfied, knowing laugh. One of someone who had the upper hand in a situation, which, in this circumstance, he most certainly did; he, holding all the knowledge, motives, reasons, whilst she remained clueless. Not to mention the fact that his partner could kill her at any second. "It's obvious!" He declared, throwing his arms in the air. "Everyone's stupid not to have noticed. You're practically glued to each other. I'll give you credit Jill, you did a good job in seducing him."_

_"What?" She shouted before she could stop herself, all fear of the consequences being pushed away as anger and indignation took over, and a strange need to justify herself to a man who, over the previous weeks, had terrified and physically hurt her. "His wife was in a coma, he needed someone to support him. We became close!"_

_"And you took advantage of that! You disgust me." The last was said with such hatred, she was sure he would have spat at her had his balaclava not been in the way._

_Despite the dire situation she was in, and despite the potential consequences, his remarks angered her further and her mouth ran away from her. "Who are you to judge me? You, who sends threats, and blackmails, terrifies two innocent children, and abuses without a care! You know nothing about my relationship with Gordon. And as far as I'm concerned, I'm a much better person than you are. So don't you dare pass judgment."_

* * *

><p><em>"Let her go."<em>

_"What?" She gasped._

_"What?" The man holding her echoed, speaking for the first time._

_It was the last thing she'd expected him to say after her outburst. She'd thought he at least yell at her, if not hurt her again._

_"I said, let her go."_

_The man complied. Once the arm was removed from her neck, Jill realised just how must pressure had been exerted on her windpipe._

_Before she could even think of trying to escape, the man in front seized her arm and pulled her towards him. His voice suddenly became lower, harsher and a lot more frightening. "Now I'll show you what you'll get for speaking to me like that." He pushed her towards the wall of the house, and she fell into it, her shoulder whacking against the stone and sending a sharp shoot of pain from the point of contact. Before she had a chance to steady herself, he was at her again, pushing her to the ground, into the tangle of weeds and nettles. He did nothing for a few minutes, just stood there, bending over her, his eyes taunting her, daring her to rise so he could push her down again. She just lay still, stiff, terrified that if she moved, he'd hurt her. Her shoulder throbbed painfully where it had collided with the wall, and again with the ground._

_He bent in closer to her, placed his hands on her arms and pushed her hard to the ground. He was so close she could see the millions of blood vessels, stark against the whites of his eyes. She could hear every breath he took, the rapid inhalations and exhalations, whilst she held her own, too scared even to breath. He didn't speak, just glared at her, then suddenly, he stood upright, and took a step back, and then another, and another. She finally released the air burning in her lungs. Maybe now, he was leaving. But the hope was fleeting. He raised his leg, pulled it back, then it shot forward, slamming with great force into her ribs. She cried out recoiled, curling herself into a foetal position, desperately trying to protect her torso from any more blows with her arms and legs._

_He looked at her once more. "Remember Jill, don't say a word about this to anyone; silence is golden." He stepped over her quivering, curled up form, pressing down painfully on her arm for a moment with the sole of his shoe, before it was removed, and both men walked away, trampling the undergrowth._

_Jill remained where she was, lying amidst the bed of nettles. She heard the hum of their car engine fill the air, then becoming quieter and quieter until it was once again silent. Only then did she realise she was crying. Her tears came faster and faster until she was sobbing, shaking quite violently, unable to stop herself._

_Unnoticed by her, the jackdaw returned and gradually more birds appeared in the trees, their melodious notes floating around her, as if they had always been there. As if nothing had happened._


	21. Chapter 21

_Only a few people were in reception when she arrived, waiting for the start of evening surgery._

_ Gordon was behind the reception desk, chatting to Lizzie. Jill almost cursed out loud when he saw her and called out to her. She had been hoping to attract no attention and make a quick entrance into her consulting room. She was still shaken up, and to anyone who knew her, it was obvious that she wasn't acting her normal, confident self. Her plan had been to use the twenty minutes before her first patient to get her composure together, so hopefully no one would suspect a thing._

_ Unfortunately, this wasn't to be. She rounded reception, pasting a smile on her face, hoping it appeared natural enough, and met him as he came out of the enclosed staff-only area._

_ He gazed at her for a few moments, whilst she fidgeted, forcing her smile to become wider, before he asked if she was okay. She nodded, but could tell he was unconvinced. He led her into his office and closed the door before asking her again. He received the same response, only this time, the nod was more emphatic in a bid to make him believe her. It didn't work but he didn't push the matter._

_ Instead, he gave her a quick kiss then spoke. "I'd like to change your dressings now. So come on, hop upon the bed and take your blouse off." He grinned and winked at her._

_ She managed a laugh and did as he requested. She probably would have normally cracked some innuendo laden joke, but she was too distracted by the previous events to think of one._

_ Gordon began to remove the dressing slowly and carefully, his fingers warm and gentle on her skin, and she was surprised to feel barely any pain. She concentrated on the movements of his fingertips, and started to relax slightly. Although it was part of the medical examination, it was done with care and tenderness, and she needed it after having been treated so roughly and harshly only an hour or so earlier. Not that it made it all better; the memories and the fear couldn't be taken away, and certainly not the threat of more violence, but she did need it._

_ "I didn't see that yesterday." His puzzled tone broke through her thoughts. His fingers had left the previous day's injury and she looked down to see him running his hand along the other side of her body, up her ribcage, over a large, angry, purple bruise. "How did this happen?"_

_ She stared at his arm, unable to meet his gaze, knowing she was going to lie to him. "It must have been when I fell yesterday." Once again, she could tell he didn't believe her. She felt nauseous both because of the guilt of lying to him, and also because she knew if he continued to be dishonest, he'd stop trusting her and their relationship would end. It hurt to think of it, but it was a reality that was increasing in possibility._

_ She finally drew he eyes to his face once again. He was gazing in concentration, working his way up her body, presumably checking for more injuries he'd missed. He reached her throat and stopped._

_ Her heart rate sped up in nervousness. His expression revealed he didn't like what he saw. She just hoped he wouldn't be able to draw a conclusion._

_ Finally, he looked her in the eye. "What's going on Jill?" His voice was unusually grim, a tone normally reserved for telling a patient bad news. However, there was still the characteristic gentleness in his expression, and a particular softness he reserved just for her._

_ "I don't know what you're talking about." For the second time that day, she decided to act ignorant. And for the second time, she got the same response._

_ "Don't treat me like a fool."_

_ This time, it wasn't screamed at her, nor was it said with anger. This time was laced with sadness and hurt. And this hurt her. But she knew she deserved it._

_ How could she provide an explanation that he'd be satisfied with without revealing the truth? The simple answer was she couldn't. So she did probably the worst thing she could possibly have done. She picked up her blouse and put it on whilst squeezing past Gordon, out of the confined area. Without another word, or glance at him, she opened the door and slipped silently out into the corridor, closing it behind her, effectively shutting the door on the conversation and possibly their relationship._

* * *

><p><em> She rushed into her office and closed the door. Standing in front of the mirror, she could see why Gordon had become suspicious. Round her neck, just above her collar bone was a line of purple- blue bruises surrounded by large red blotches. These were interrupted occasionally by streaks of mud. There was mud on her hands, face and blouse as well. She had pieces of foliage in her hair and stuck to her clothes. Her tights were ridden with ladders, and some larger holes, giving a glimpse of the skin of her legs beneath, sore with scratches and nettle stings. In a word, she looked a state. No wonder a nurse had eyes her warily as she'd made the quick dash between offices across the corridor. That, and the fact that she'd shoulder barged her door, before realising she actually had to use the handle to open it.<em>

_ With trembling hands, she turned on the faucet of the sink beneath the mirror. The sudden rush of water created some noise in her otherwise quiet room, providing some distraction from the voices playing in her head; the voice of her attacker, and the replaying of her recent conversation with Gordon._

_ She forced herself to concentrate on washing the dirt from her hands and face, instead of the image of Gordon's hurt, betrayed face. She tried to suppress the all too familiar guilt from welling up in her._

_ She pulled one end of the ribbon tied around her ponytail, and it slipped out the bow, floating down to settle on her desk. The bobbles were taken off, and her hair was freed, cascading around her shoulders. She ran her fingers through the strands, shaking lose the leaves, before she scooped it up again as neatly as possible. Foundation was next, applied much more liberally than usual to try and mask her red rimmed eyes and bruised throat. Her tights were discarded into the bin and then she was ready. Hopefully no one else would realise anything untoward had happened._

_ If only it were so easy to get rid of the situation she had found herself so unexpectedly in over the past weeks, both with her tormentors, and with Gordon._


	22. Chapter 22

_It was the day after the attack and Jill hadn't spoken to Gordon for the rest of the previous day or that morning. She was in the alcove behind reception, finishing sorting out some files with Lizzie when Gordon walked in and just stood, seemingly waiting for her. _

_ "Thank you Lizzie." She said, accepting the files. She turned to Gordon and lowered her voice so only he could hear, deciding to speak to him, try to ease at least a little of the tension that had gradually grown between them in the last few days, culminating in the scene in his office. "By the way, it was a patient who attacked me. Okay?" She had, somewhat naively and wishfully, expected him to accept that as an explanation. She stepped past him, careful not to make any contact with him, and attempted to make her way towards her office until his words stopped her._

_ "No."_

_ "What?" She said louder than intended and spun around to face him. Lizzie had paused her filing, and was now looking at them, a confused expression on her face._

_ "I said no." He muttered, in an equally as low voice as hers had been the first time she had spoken. "It's not okay. You're still lying to me."_

_ She shook her head, some desperation creeping in. "No, it was George Sullivan."_

_Gordon sighed. "Lizzie, did you ever find George Sullivan's notes?"_

_ "No." She called back then returned to her filing, seemingly convinced that they were talking about work and not anything potentially gossip worthy._

_ He turned back to Jill, a frown set into his features. "Something doesn't seem right here, it doesn't add up. I'm sorry Jill, but I don't believe you."_

_ "What, because a patient's noted are missing? It's Lizzie; she loses things all the time!" She felt guilty about bringing Lizzie into it when she really hadn't done anything wrong, but it was the only thing she could think of to stop Gordon questioning her._

_ "Oh no," Gordon's said, his voice taking on a hint of anger. "Don't you dare try to blame Lizzie. She might mislay things, but she has never lost anything."_

_ She glanced behind her, uncomfortable about having this conversation in the first place, let alone in reception where anyone could hear. She turned back to Gordon, and opened her mouth to retort, but she didn't have anything to say. Instead she stepped out into the corridor, and raised her voice to a normal volume. "I've got to go Gordon; house calls."_

_ With that, she walked away, once again escaping from Gordon and the truth._


	23. Chapter 23

_ The alarm clock ringing permeated Jill's dreams and quite violently startled her into consciousness. She rolled over and slammed her hand down, cutting off the insufferable noise, and knocking the clock off the bedside cabinet and onto the carpet._

_ She heaved herself out of the bed and placed her feet on the floor, avoiding the clock. She rubbed a hand across her face, trying to wake herself up. She was sure she felt more tired than she had when she'd gone to bed. Her sleep had been fitful; short snatches of sleep interspersed between long, seemingly endless periods of tossing and turning, whilst her mind worked overtime. _

_ She'd avoided Gordon for the rest of the previous day. If they were in reception at the same time or passed each other in the corridor, she averted her gaze, not daring to see what she was sure would be a hurt, angry and perhaps even disgusted expression._

_ She was disgusted and ashamed at herself; she couldn't believe she'd stooped so low as to try and use Lizzie as an escape by suggesting it was her fault. And what was worse, it was obvious Gordon was disgusted at her, judging by his response to her. _

_ The letter box rattled as post was pushed through, landing with a soft thud on the burgundy welcome mat. She made her way with heavy footfalls down the stairs. She picked them up and flicked through them. The first two were bills. She tore open the third one and her heart sank. On the middle of the A4 sheet, the black ink stark and solitary on the otherwise crisp white background, was only one sentence; 'Silence is golden'. She sighed and folded it again and slotted it into the envelope, it, like all the others providing no clues as to its origins. By now, she had made her way into the kitchen, and she placed it on the counter top by the sink, along with the bills, before proceeding to open the final envelope._

_ She scanned over the words, then read them slowly, and then again. She'd thought that after all the letters of threats, nothing that came through her letterbox could ever surprise her again, but this did, in a different way than all the others had, perhaps, but it was still totally unexpected. She frowned in confusion and checked the envelope for anything else, any explanation, but there wasn't one. She couldn't understand it._

_ She glanced at the clock on the wall and sighed in resignation, the air fluttering the edges of the paper. She placed it open on the counter top beside the others, and left the room to get ready for work._

* * *

><p><em> "Dr Weatherill!"<em>

_ Jill stopped on her route through reception, sighed and turned to see Lizzie looking at her urgently, and she knew what was coming next. Seems her hopes for an escape outside for a quiet lunch alone to reflect on the past few days and to try and figure out a way to explain to Gordon without actually revealing the threats and attacks, were sidelined._

_ "There's been an emergency on the moors near Elsinby Road. Young girl's fallen down an old mineshaft. Frankie's waiting with the ambulance._

_ Jill dashed to her office, swapped her lunch box with her doctors' bag, passed back through reception in a blur and through the white double doors to the outside. She ran round the side of the red brick building and leapt into the awaiting ambulance, seated beside Steve, one of the drivers._

_ No sooner had she slammed the door closed, then Frankie pulled away, speeding up down the streets, the bell ringing, clearing a route for them to weave through the traffic._

_ She sat with her bag in her lap, in full doctor mode, mentally preparing herself for what they were about to attend. It sounded bad, very bad. Not only would the child's sustained injuries likely be severe, but it could also be tricky getting down to her and bringing her back up._

_ It was about fifteen minutes before the ambulance reached the destination. An obviously distressed woman stood in the middle of the road, waving her arms frantically for them to stop. Frankie pressed on the breaks and as soon as the vehicle came to a standstill, Jill jumped out, closely followed by the two drivers._

_ Before Jill could utter a word, the woman ran off the road and into the heather, and all Jill could do was follow. Quite suddenly, the woman halted and just stood, pointing to an area in front of her. The heather continued for a few feet until it just disappeared into blackness. Plants lined the edge of the hole on top of soil, the roots clearly visible where the area of ground had been torn away to fall into the mine shaft below. "Okay," Jill said taking charge, and spoke to the woman in a brisk and firm yet soft tone. "Can you tell me what happened?"_

_ The woman let out a strangled sob, then the words poured quickly out of her mouth. "It's my daughter, Julia. She was just running and playing and then, then she disappeared, the whole ground just fell! Please save her doctor! You've got to save her!" The woman had turned to Jill and was clinging to her coat, her face and actions showing her desperation, and her total dependence upon Jill, Frankie and Steve. They were her last hope and only they would be able to save her daughter._

_ Jill laid what she hoped was a comforting hand on her arm and looked past her towards hole, too dark to distinguish any component of it from another, the surround of purple flowers of the heather only serving to make it appear darker, more precarious._

_ "We'll do all we can."_


	24. Chapter 24

_ Jill walked over to the edge of the hole. Frankie stood slightly behind her and laid a hand on her elbow. "Careful doc."_

_ She peered down into the depths, but despite straining her eyes, couldn't see the bottom and subsequently, couldn't see the girl. "Torch?" She turned back to Frankie briefly only to accept the torch he handed her. She pointed the beam of yellow light downwards, bouncing it off the mud, the coal and the wooden beams, but it wasn't strong enough to illuminate the bottom. This made her extremely concerned about the child's condition. A fall of that distance would surely only result in critical injuries. Despite this, she shouted to the girl. "Julia! Julia, can you hear me?" She held her breath, hoping against hope she would receive some sort of reply, even a moan, but none came. The area around them was silent, the breeze almost non-existent, but no response reached her ears. She turned back to Frankie, knowing there was only one way to rescue her. _

_ "Frankie, do you have a rope in the ambulance?"_

_ "Yes, I think so."_

_ "Would it be possible to lower me down?"_

_ Frankie frowned and shook his head. "It'll be dangerous doc. You might fall as well."_

_ "No, it's the only way. I've got to take the chance."_

_ "I could go down, you stay up here."_

_ "I need to treat her. And I need you up here to hold the rope."_

_ Frankie sighed resignedly. "Okay doc. If you're sure..."_

_ She nodded and Frankie ran back towards the ambulance. She followed him, slipping out of her coat as she did so. "Steve!" She shouted, balled up her coat and threw it at him._

_ Moments later, Frankie came running towards her, rope in hand. She held her arms up as he brought it around her waist, tied a knot, pulled it so the rope was tight around her, and tied another knot, pulling it to make sure it was secure. It put pressure on her sore ribs, but despite the pain, it was a welcome pressure, reassuring her that it was tight enough not to allow her to slip through. _

_ Then Steve came rushing forward, took the other end of the rope and tied it equally as securely around the bumper of the ambulance. They worked in silence, both obviously knowing exactly what needed to be done, and working together, and yet separately to accomplish it, and to ensure their colleagues' safety. _

_ "You ever abseiled before doc? Frankie asked, once he'd finished. She just shook her head, then listened as he outlined quickly but thoroughly what she needed to do, and what she shouldn't do. He patted her arm briefly. "Good luck."_

_ She tried to smile in response, but she was too terrified to succeed. She hoped she'd be able to keep her wits about her, and remember all that Frankie had said, and most importantly, carrying out what he'd instructed._

_ She took a deep breath, putting it off as long as she could. But then the mother caught her eye. The absolute distress on her face, along with her utter reliance on them, pushed Jill to make her way, albeit shakily, over to the very edge of the pit._

_ She turned around so she was facing Frankie and Steve who took up the rope, keeping the length between her and them as taught as possible. She closed her fingers around the rough fibre, squeezing as hard as she could. _

_ Taking one last breath, she stepped back._

* * *

><p><em> For one terrifying moment, it didn't feel as if there was anything to put her foot against, and she felt herself starting to swing across, imagining herself crashing against the side of the mine shaft. But after that moment, she felt her shoe connect with hard rock and the swinging stopped. She released a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding and placed her other foot down. The first foot followed that, and with time, she started speeding up, slightly. It felt vaguely strange to be almost vertical and moving downwards at the same time. She also thought fleetingly of the single line back up to the surface, the only thing stopping her falling to the unseen depths. But she pushed this thought out of her mind and concentrated instead on the task in hand, and trying to block out the pain engulfing her torso. The rope pressed against her bruised ribs, constraining them, binding them, crushing them almost into her lungs, causing her breaths to came short and rapid, creating a slight feeling of light-headedness and the beginnings of a tingling sensation in her hands and feet. She paused in her decent, and forced her breathing to slow, terrified of what would happen if she hyperventilated, knowing that had it gone on much longer, she could have been unable to control herself.<em>

_ It was after about five minutes of the descent that she felt an increased pain in her side, and it augmented as time went on. She knew it was the barely closed wound that had reopened, the sides parting the weak bond they'd managed to make. Not long after this, she began to feel a disgustingly, slow, wet substance trickling its way from her wound, down her waist and finally absorbing in the waistband of her skirt._

_ The pain continued to increase, and the liquid continued to ooze out, but still she continued downwards, towards the reason she was doing this in the first place; the child._


	25. Chapter 25

_She didn't know how long she'd been descending for, hours it seemed like, but she really had no way of knowing. Finally, her foot touched the bottom, the solid, expanse of rock providing a strange source of comfort in that she had now reached her destination. She ignored the fact that she'd have even more difficult task of the assent, and instead, concentrated on the matter in hand._

_ Despite having touched down a few minutes ago, she still clung to the taught rope, providing her only contact with Frankie and Steve above. It also provided her with some stability as she slowed her breathing, attempting to stop the quivering that affected her whole body. Looking up, she could see a dim area of light through the small opening, which illuminated the top part of the pit, but below that, everything was black. Releasing one hand from the rope, she reached down and eased the torch she had brought down with her from it's position between her waistband and her stomach. Her shaking hands fumbled with it, and for a moment, her heart grew cold with fear as she lost her grip, but she managed to clasp it again in her sweaty palm. Her fingers found and pressed the switch, and suddenly, a circle of the rock in front of her feet was illuminated. Slowly, she passed the beam in a sweep around her, but it shone upon only rock and occasionally some of the rotting wood that had provided the support for the shaft and tunnels. Some of which had broken away to leave many areas destabilised, providing explanation for the cause of the collapse where she stood._

_ She shone the beam in a circle at a larger radius, and eventually, it alighted on a dark, awkward shaped heap. With a leaden feeling in her stomach, Jill studied it; no jagged or splinted edges, just the smooth, softness of what appeared to be skin and clothes. The rope clasped in one hand, and the torch in the other, she picked her way carefully over the debris, her heart thudding louder and harder in her chest than she thought it ever had._

_ Eventually, she reached it. She crouched down beside it and shone the beam along it, showing what was easily recognisable as a young child, but a broken one- limbs bent at odd angles, bloods trickled from cuts, wounds, gashes._

_ The sight was enough to make her cry, but she forced the tears back, the girl, the mother, everyone depended on her, she was the only one that could possibly save this little girl and she was going to make sure she did everything she could._

_ With dread, she picked up the tiny wrist._

* * *

><p><em> Throb.<em>

_ She held her breath._

_ Throb._

_ She exhaled slowly, the blood pulsing through the vein fingertips, slow and weak, but there. She carefully laid the arm down and moved up to Julia's head. "Julia, I'm Doctor Weatherill, I'm going to help you. Can you hear me?" She paused, shining the torch beam in the direction of the child's head but there was no response. She leant in closer and spoke slightly louder. "Julia, open your eyes for me." Once again she paused, but there was no movement, not even a flicker. She quickly checked the breathing and placed a finger under the child's chin to maintain an airway as she checked for injuries. From the brief examination, Jill discovered fractured bones in both legs and the right arm. There were also several lacerations, some superficial, but others bleeding quite profusely. Thankfully though, there didn't appear to be any injuries to the head_

_ "FRANKIE!" She yelled as loud as she could, wincing as the sound was too loud for even her own ears._

_ "Yes doc?" Came the distant reply._

_ "I NEED MY BAG AND SPLINTS!"_

_ She listened intently as Frankie shouted down to her, telling her to untie the rope around her._

_ She did so, and after calling back up that it was free, the rope was pulled quickly up. She felt slightly bereft; her only physical link to the world above her was getting steadily further away from her._

_ Within minutes, the rope was descending again, and on the end were the objects she'd asked for. Although in a totally alien environment, her professional instincts took over and she quickly but careful administered an injection of morphine to ease the pain she surely must be feeling. Then, she strapped the splints to both legs and the arm to prevent to fractures from worsening. Flicking the locks open on her doctors' bag, she lifted the lid and immediately pulled some bandages and pads from the organised contents. She placed pads on the worst bleeds, wrapping a bandage around them and tying a knot over the pad on the wound to place extra pressure on the wound._

_ Once this was done, she closed her bag and flicked the locks shut again, the metal snapping sound pronounced, harsh even, in the silence. Now all that was needed was to get the child in her critical state out of here, as quick as possible and without injuring her further._

_ She gazed up with some sense of hopelessness at the small opening of light so far away from them._


	26. Chapter 26

_ She strained her eyes, trying to catch the first glimpse of the Julia's means of escape descending towards her. She went over and over what Frankie had told her to do. It wasn't much, but one small mistake could cost the child her life._

_ Finally, it was lowered over, the shape blocking out most of the small amount of sunlight reaching her. She turned to Julia, and knelt down beside her, the torch once again casting light over the fragile form. Pulse and breathing were both the same as when she'd last checked. That, at least, provided some for of comfort. _

_ She stood back up, and reached upwards, her fingers enclosing around the object, steadying it, and bringing it towards Julia as more of the rope tied to it was fed from above. Eventually, it was level with her feet, and she was able to bring the canvas stretcher to lie beside the child._

_ Two ropes were tied to it, one around one of the poles, and the other on the pole diagonally opposite it, giving the most possible stability on assent. Each of knots were tied expertly to ensure the stretcher was held securely._

_ With extreme gentleness, but in one rapid, fluid movement, Jill lifted the young girl slightly and slid her onto the stretcher. There was however, still the danger that even the slightest movement could make any injuries worse. Still, it was the only choice they had._

_ With deft movements, she secured the straps Frankie had sent down, pulling them tight so Julia was securely held on the stretcher, but not too tight so as to crush her. _

_ "READY FRANKIE!" Jill called, checking the straps once more, then holding her breath for any response, and trying to distinguish it from her own voice echoing from the walls of the shaft._

_ Finally, she heard a response. "Going up."_

_ She stepped back, directed her torch beam at the stretcher, watching as it slowly ascended, moving higher and higher above her. She clenched her fingers around the plastic cylinder tightly, various scenarios filling her mind, each so much worse that the last. _

* * *

><p><em> Thankfully, Julia made it up safely, and as far as she was aware, the young girl was being loaded into the back of the ambulance.<em>

_ And so she was alone. She swallowed, her throat tight as she awaited orders from Frankie. Nothing else was needed to be done down the shaft anymore, so the only thing left to do was get her up._

_ A few moments later, a single rope dropped down in front of her, along with Frankie's shouted instructions. She picked the end up and looped it around herself tying it twice to form a thick knot against her stomach. She'd perhaps tied it too tight, as the binding pressed against her bruised ribs, and the already torn skin where the blood hadn't been strong enough to hold her skin together at her side, whilst she'd descended._

_ She tugged at the rope, trying to ascertain if it was strong enough to bare her weight. Her hands shook as she did this, fear engulfing her as she wished she'd asked Frankie to teach her how to tie the most suitable, safest knot whilst she was at the top._

_ Resigning herself to the fact that this was probably the best she could do, she shouted up that she was ready. Within seconds, the rope pulled, sliding a fraction upwards, creating pressure on her ribs, and chafing her skin through her torn blouse. Eventually, the rope could rise up her body no more, and she felt herself beginning to lift, she stretched her feet, keeping her toes in touch with the floor for as long as she could, as if to put off the inevitable. And then they lost contact, and she was suspended, her life dependent upon the two men above, and one length of rope. _

_ She clung on tightly to as she was pulled up, higher and higher, towards the sound of Frankie's voice. Though she couldn't hear, she imagined him to be replaying commands to Steve. The fact that she was in their hands made her slightly less frightened than she perhaps otherwise would have been had it been someone else. She trusted the pair. She knew they worked well together, had seen them in action many times trying to help a patient, occasionally putting their own lives on the line in the process. But they were never rash, they always took the time to assess the situation, come up with the safest solution, not just for the patient, but also for themselves and any of their colleagues. And this was what she concentrated on as she ascended, trying to distract herself from the ever increasing distance between her and the bottom as the seconds passed._

_ It was only when she could clearly see the mud and the grass lining the edge of the gaping mouth, and hear Frankie's actually words, that she stopped concentrating on her being in safe hands. She felt partial relief that she was nearing the top, nearing the time when she could get out of the dark, damp, dirty and stuffy enclosure, and out into the cool, clean fresh air. However, she also felt increased fear, knowing that the last stint would be the most difficult and the most dangerous._

_ After a few minutes, she'd reached the end of where she could just cling on and let the rope take her up. She raised she eyes from where she'd been focused on the dark coal and mud as she'd ascended, and squinted at Frankie, partially silhouetted above her. She saw his head and part of his torso, which then lowered towards her slightly as he knelt down beside the opening._

_ "Okay doc, you're going to have to let go of the rope now. You need to give me your hand."_

_ Jill nodded vigorously, making sure he could see she understood, but regretted it as this caused the rope to swing slightly, bouncing her off the side._

_ She closed her eyes briefly, readying herself. Slowly, she loosened the grip her left hand held on the rope, all the while her right hand tightening further. Suddenly, with a swift motion, she released her hand, and shot it upwards, fingers outstretch in desperation to find the fingers of another. With relief, she felt Frankie's hand take hers, and his other engulfing her wrist. She wrapped her fingers tightly around his, being calmed slightly by the softness, but also the firmness, but not harshly so, unlike the rocks that had been her company for the past few hours._

_ Neither of them did anything for a moment, just making sure the grip between them was secure, then Frankie called. "You're going to have to help me here doc!"_

_ Jill was about to reply with an indignant, rather haggard and slightly panicked assertion that she was in fact doing all she could to help, when a different voice reached her ears. A voice that was unequivocally Gordon's._


	27. Chapter 27

_ As Jill clung to Frankie's hand, his silhouette was joined by Gordon's, who too held his hand down to her._

_ "Doc, you're going to have to let go of the rope now. Grab Doctor O's hand."_

_ She clenched her hand tighter around Frankie's as tight as she could, as her other hand loosened its grip on the rope. She'd almost let it go completely, when she swung slightly, feeling herself drop a fraction. Her fingers scrabbled desperately, bringing the rope once more against her palm, pressing it there._

_ "Doc, you have to let go."_

_ She shook her head desperately, almost crying. "I can't!"_

_ "Listen to me." Frankie said, his voice too, holding a note of desperation. "I've got you, the rope's round your waist, and Doctor Ormerod is going to help you as well."_

_ "Jill, come on, you can do it."_

_ Despite her precarious situation, she was still shocked at the encouraging words Gordon uttered. Knowing he wasn't completely angry at her gave her a boost of energy, made her that little bit stronger._

_ "On three okay, Jill."_

_ "Okay." This time, she spoke with determination._

_ "One."_

_ "One." She echoed quietly, loosening her fingers._

_ "Two."_

_ "Two." She breathed shakily, readying herself._

_ "Three."_

_ "Three!" She shouted, thrusting her arm upwards, her palm connecting almost immediately with Gordon's._

_ "Got you!"_

* * *

><p><em> It didn't take long for her to be pulled up out of the shaft, and for her finally be out, standing in the open moorland. Well, she wasn't really standing, more propped up by Gordon and Frankie. Her whole body was quivering, and the sudden rush of relief at knowing she was safe made her weak, unable to support her own weight. <em>

_ She felt Gordon's thumb stroking her hip softly where one of his hands lay. She breathed in deep lungfuls of the cool, clean air, trying to calm herself, when her legs suddenly shook quite violently and she lent more heavily on Gordon and Frankie._

_ "What's that?" Gordon questioned, sounding quite nervous to her._

_ Her legs gave out again and she felt both Frankie and Gordon tighten their grip on her._

_ Frankie stepped away from the hole and started speaking frantically. "I think it's going to give way!"_

_ And then she realised it wasn't her legs that were shaking, it was the land upon which they were standing._

_ She tried to move in the same direction as Frankie but her legs refused to cooperate and she would have crumpled to the ground had Gordon not pulled her up. "Help me Frankie!" He commanded loudly; the voice that always captured the required attention and response in hospital or at emergencies._

_ Gordon, on her right, wrapped his left arm around her back and his right arm beneath her leg. Frankie did the same only with his right arm around her back. Once they had her off the ground, they ran, her clinging on tightly to their shoulders, large fistfuls of Gordon's beige mac and Frankie's navy uniform in her grasp._

_ Once they were a few metres away, she was set down and they turned to look. Both Gordon's arms surrounded her waist, holding her trembling form close to him, whilst her right hand still clung to his shoulder. Her other arm rested upon Frankie's, and his hand was laid on her back. Despite the fairly mild day, she felt chilled. She could feel the warmth of their hands through the thin, torn and stained material of her blouse. _

_ She couldn't prevent a small sob escaping her as they saw the land they had stood on a few second ago sag, then suddenly drop, disappearing down into the blackness with a great billow of soil and coal dust. They choked and averted their faces, holding their breaths as long as they could to prevent themselves from breathing in more of the damaging particles._

_ Gordon tugged her closer to him, their bodies pressed tightly to one another, his arms encircling her protectively, supporting her to an extent, and bearing most of her weight. Frankie too, had moved closer, his hand pressed a fraction more on her back._

_ The dust slowly diffused into the air, blown gently, spiralling away in the breeze. And still the three remained in the same position, not moving and for a few moments, connected through the events that no one else would be able to be._

_ And then Steve called to her, and they sprang apart, the moment passed, the connection lost and their responsibilities intruded, pulling them to the ambulance and to the little girl within._


	28. Chapter 28

_The operating theatre was full of noise; Nurse Davenport and Alun were chatting animatedly about a gig they'd been to the previous night, and Mr Rose was alternatively singing jovially and detailing a golf match last week, pausing only to take a puff of his pipe._

_ The noise made the silence between Jill and Gordon slightly less unbearable for her; there was no pressure for themselves to create conversation with each other. Even though they'd shared a level of closeness at the mine, things were still awkward between them; they hadn't had a chance to talk things through, she hadn't had a chance to apologise. So although he didn't appear to be as angry with her as he had every right to be, general chit chat was still out of the question._

_ The volume of the noise increased. Nurse Davenport and Alun had descended into fits of giggles, and Mr Rose was becoming ever louder as his story neared the 18th hole._

_ "BP's dropping rapidly." Gordon said, not loudly, at a normal volume, but enough to cut through the noise nonetheless._

_ Silence descended as Mr Rose and Jill both searched urgently, but thoroughly for the cause._

_ "She must be bleeding internally." Mr Rose growled. "Nurse, another two litres of blood."_

_ Nurse Davenport dashed out through the doors, leaving them to swing behind her to reveal her retreating back before closing on everything outside the theatre._

_ "BP's still falling."_

_ "Blast it!"_

_ "There!" Jill exclaimed, indicating the artery, which Mr Rose swiftly clamped and tied off with expertise._

_ "BP still falling."  
>Jill searched frantically for another bleed, becoming increasingly desperate as precious seconds passed, chances becoming slimmer, hope fading. She couldn't lose her now. Julie had come through so much, she had to survive, had to overcome the last hurdle.<em>

* * *

><p><em> Seconds were ticking away. And with each one, Julie deteriorated more.<em>

_ Jill glanced up at the clock. It was hours since she'd been brought into theatre. The second hand moved, and again. The ticking seemed to be all that was filling the room. No one made a noise. She could sense Gordon, controlling the anaesthetic, watching Mr Rose and herself as they searched methodically, again, and again. But still she continued to lose blood, just as the clock continued to tick. The drip Nurse Davenport had attached a few minutes previously replenished the blood, but it was lost just as quickly._

_ She glanced up at Mr Rose, a film of sweat covering his furrowed brow, his eyes fixed on the patient. She glanced at the clock; tick, tick. She returned her attention to Julie, just as the ticking was blocked out by a new noise; a long, continuous beep._

_ "She's arresting!"_

_ The theatre became a hive of activity. Nurse Davenport dashed across to wheel the defibrillator over, then her and rapidly Alun set it up. Jill took her position by the child, took a deep breath, and began the chest compressions, her hands working a steady rhythm. The monotonous beep continued. And still, even though it wasn't heard, the second hand continued to tick._

_ "Stand clear!" Mr Rose shouted. They all sprang away, watching anxiously as the surgeon used the defibrillator with expertise, delivering a shock to the girl's body. Then their attentions turned to the heart monitor, staring, listening for any change, for a break in the line, for a break in the unending noise. Another shock was delivered, and still no change._

_ Mr Rose growled his frustration, but continued nevertheless. Gordon sat rigid. Jill twisted her gown in her hands, holding her breath. Nurse Davenport blinked back tears. Alun gripped the side of the instruments' trolley. The clock ticked away the seconds, minutes._

_ "It's hopeless!" They all shot their heads up to look at Mr Rose, as he stepped away. "She's gone."_

_ Out of the corner of her eye, Jill saw Gordon reach for the heart monitor. She shook her head vigorously. "Mr Rose, just try a while longer. Please!"_

_ The surgeon shook his head too. "She's gone. It's a damn shame, but there's nothing to be done." He turned and walked away from Julie_

_ "Mr Rose, please!" The desperation was evident in her voice, in her anguished expression, in her trembling hands. "Please!"_

_ "Jill."_

_ She turned at hearing Gordon's quiet voice._

_ "It's over Jill."_

_ She shook her head, but this time it was in resignation._

_ The heart monitor was switched off, the beep stopped, and the theatre descended into a sombre silence. _

_ Only the clock was heard, continuing regardless. _


	29. Chapter 29

_She walked over to the sinks, taking off her scrubs as she went. She placed her hands on the edge of the sink and lent forward, lowering her head and taking some deep breaths. She had to compose herself, she knew what was coming next; she would have to tell the mother. How Jill felt would be nothing compared to the mother's anguish. And she wouldn't help the situation if she, the doctor, couldn't pull herself together._

_ She smacked her hand against the cold steel of the sink in frustration. The sharp pain she caused seemed to bring her to her senses. _

_ Straightening up, she brought a hand to her face, brushing away a few tears. Taking another deep breath, she proceeded towards the tiny waiting room for relatives. _

_ She would normally have sought out Gordon after something like this, found comfort in his arms and in his words. But now, she couldn't. She couldn't just walk out of a conversation the day before then return to him when she actually needed him to talk to her._

_ It was out of the question._

_ But she wanted to._

* * *

><p><em> 'I'm sorry'; two simple words. Adequate most of the time; 'I'm sorry I'm late': 'I broke it, I'm sorry'; 'I'm sorry we argued'. <em>

_ But 'we were unable to save your daughter, I'm so sorry'? In no way is that adequate. But that's exactly what Jill said to Julie's mother. What else could she say?_

_ As soon as the words were out her mouth, she could only watch helplessly as the woman broke. Her face crumpled and she let out a heartbreaking scream. Jill reached out a hand in a vain effort to provide some ineffectual comfort. Julie's mother suddenly sagged, the scream seemingly releasing all her energy, and she collapsed into Sister Brigid's waiting arms. Jill's hand hovered for a second, before dropping to her side. _

_ "Shhhh, Sheila. There there." Sister Brigid's comforting, soothing tones filled the room, though they did nothing to help the heartbroken woman she held. They couldn't possibly help someone who'd been hit with so much grief._

_ Jill sank into the seat beside them. Her eyes rose to meet Sister Brigid, and a look of sorrow passed between them, before her attention was turned to Sheila who had raised her head to her, her face already stained with fast falling tears._

_ "Was she in pain?" _

_ The sorrowful voice cut through the Jill's heart, the pain in her eyes shot through her. She swallowed hard to prevent her emotions overcoming her before responding quietly. "No, I'm certain she didn't."_

_ Sheila nodded briefly before sinking back into Sister Brigid's arms._

_ With a futile murmur of condolence, Dr Weatherill left Sheila with Sister Brigid and exited the room._

_ Dr Weatherill walked down the corridor, head held high, ponytail swinging, heels clicking with precision._

_ Dr Weatherill pushed open the familiar door bearing her gleaming name plaque._

_ Jill closed the door, collapsed against it and sobbed._


	30. Chapter 30

_ Jill made her way out to the staff car park. The sun was setting and the area was becoming draped in darkness, matching her mood. The letters still weighed on her mind, the words seemingly imprinted on her mind; one an obvious warning, and the other still utterly confusing to her._

_ She also couldn't stop the anguished screams of the mother playing continuously in the silent dusk, constantly ringing in her ears. The screams of grief. She'd wished she could have done more to stop her experiencing this loss. Sometimes she felt so utterly useless!_

_ And then, of course there was Gordon. She'd tried to avoid him for the rest of the day, and succeeded to an extent. Not once had they been alone together, but that didn't stop the uncomfortable atmosphere between them even if they were in a room filled with other people._

_ She sighed, feeling suddenly laden down, a heaviness resting on her. With a sudden urge to get home as quickly as possible, she laid a hand on the cool handle of the car door. Before she had chance to open it, however, a voice called her name._

_ She looked up to see Gordon hurrying towards her. He stopped about a metre from her, the tension still evident between them. "Jill." He said again, his voice not angry as she'd expected it to be. It wasn't particularly loving either, but that was to be expected after how she'd treated him. "I can't stand this anymore. Please, let's talk, properly. And please don't run out this time." _

_ She nodded; she owed him that courtesy at least. And she really did want to be in his good terms again. "Okay. My house?"_

_ He nodded and they both got into their respective cars._

_ They arrived at her house and she opened the door and let them in. Neither had spoken and the silence was beginning to be too much for her so she decided to start on neutral ground. "How are Katie and Tom?" She queried whilst hanging up her coat._

_ "Okay. George and Craig are staying in Whitby for another few days so they're looking after the children whilst Ken's nephew replaces the windows."_

_ She nodded and gestured him through to the living room, remembering when she'd met Caroline's_ _cousins and George's comment that she still found slightly strange. _

_ "Do you want a drink?" She asked, still playing it safe, reluctant to start the serious conversation just yet."_

_ "You look tired, I'll get it. Tea?"_

_ She nodded and whispered "thank you" as he retreated into the kitchen. His expression as he looked at her was far from the angry and disgusted expression she'd previously feared. There was some hurt there, but there was also a softness, a kindness that she'd missed so much over the previous days. Perhaps, there might even be love residing in his eyes again. _

_ She slumped into a chair, sinking into the comfortable cushions. She rested her head in her hand and closed her eyes wearily, the previous night's disturbed sleep combining with the difficult day, as she anticipated the return of Gordon with a cup of tea._

_ "When were you going to tell me about this?"_

_ Jill's eyes flew open as she heard that Gordon had returned without her knowledge, although it wasn't a cup of tea in his hand, it was a piece of paper. His kind expression from the few minutes before had been replaced by an angry one. She was confused however about the source of his dramatic mood change. "What?"_

_ "What! What! This is what!" He shoved the letter under her nose and held it there with shaking hands._

_ She widened her eyes as she read the opening line of the letter- _

_'_Dr Weatherill, we are pleased to offer you an interview for the position of General Practitioner at Leeds General Hospital_…__' _

_She swung her legs off the chair and shot up, her stomach churning uneasily in trepidation of what was to come._

_ "Well?" His voice shook with increasing fury as he glared at her accusingly._

_ "Gordon what were you doing reading my private letters?" She cursed herself silently at speaking so angrily, it would only add fuel to Gordon's already raging fire. She'd meant to respond calmly, but no, she had to start defending herself in the worst possible way._

_ "If I hadn't when would I have found out? When I interviewed your replacement? At your leaving party? Or would I have just gone to work one day to find you'd left?"_

_ His words stung her and her heart started to burn painfully as angry, distraught and hopeless tears spilled in a torrent down her cheeks. He was treating her as if she was heartless and selfish. She glanced down at her shaking hands as, despite herself, anger got the better of her. "Oh grow up Gordon! Of course I was going to tell you."_

_ "Grow up! You're telling me to grow up! Oh no. You're the one who needs to grow up. When you grow up you'll know that you don't keep secrets like this from people you supposedly love!" With that threw the letter down, turned on his heel and stormed out the house, slamming the door behind him._

_ The slam resounded around the still house that was seemingly holding its breath from the eruption, as a pain-stricken Jill sunk slowly down onto the chair, silent tears, tears purely of loss, flowed unchecked._


	31. Chapter 31

_"Morning Lizzie." Jill called as she entered reception._

_ "Morning doctor." Lizzie smiled. "Give me a minute, I just need to find your files."_

_ Shaking her head and rolling her eyes and leaning against the reception desk, she glanced around; no sign of Gordon. In one way this was a good thing; she was terrified of how he'd act towards her, whether or not he'd calmed down from the night before. But in another way, it was a bad thing; she needed to speak to him, she needed to explain, she couldn't bear them arguing, couldn't bear the thought that she might have lost him for good._

_ She hadn't slept after he'd left. She couldn't block the harsh sound of her voice from her mind. Nor could she forget the cold, almost hateful look in his eyes as he'd flashed the letter at her. Nor could she forget the hurt written all over his face. She hated seeing him anything but happy. She had to explain, she had to sort it out, as soon as possible._

_ "Here they are!" Lizzie practically sang, drawing Jill from her thoughts._

_ "Thanks Lizzie." She took the files from her and started down the corridor, before turning on her heel and popping her head through the door to the staff area behind reception. "Lizzie, sorry, is Dr Ormerod in his office?"_

_ "Yes but don't go in there!"_

_ Se frowned, puzzled at Lizzie's almost fearful sounding command."Er why?" She asked._

_ "Well," she said, sidling up next to Jill and lowering her voice conspiringly. "He came in here in a right mood, snatched his files from me, growled at me, then stomped off to his office! He ordered me not to disturb him until morning surgery!"_

_ Jill sighed, knowing it was that had put him into this state. "Don't worry Lizzie, I'll speak to him." She flashed a brief smile at the receptionist, before setting off towards his room, determined to set the record straight so no more of the staff would face the brunt of his anger. And more importantly, make him believe that she loved him and would never purposefully hurt him. Unless of course - the letters came to mind - it was to save his life._

* * *

><p><em> In the short walk from reception to Gordon's office, she went over what she was going to say. She'd had all night to think about it; going over and over it, making sure she included everything she needed to say. She was going to get straight to the point, no dithering, just straight to the point, put everything right.<em>

_ She paused outside his door, her hand poised to knock. It was going to be alright, she reassured herself. He was going to listen, and she was going to speak, and it would be alright. Gordon would see that it was just a misunderstanding._

_ This thought at the forefront of her mind, she rapped loud and confidently on the door. After receiving a grumpy 'come in', she entered, closing the door softly behind her and advanced towards him. She had only gotten as far as the coat stand, however, when he spoke._

_ "I don't want to hear it."_

_ She paused, his blunt, cold tone catching her off guard. "What?"_

_ "Whatever you're going to say Jill, I don't want to hear it." His face was equally as cold as his voice, his body language impassive._

_ "No Gordon-"_

_ "Jill, I said I don't want to hear it." He rose from his seat as he said this, cutting her off, his voice also rising in volume. "I've got a patient in five minutes. I don't have time for this, for you!"_

_ His last words stopped anything she might have had to say. _

_ She turned and made a rapid exit from his office, then paced quickly to hers. She fumbled with the files, the keys, the door, cursing under her breath. When finally she unlocked it, she flung it open, then slammed it behind her._

_ She was angry. Primarily at herself for creating this situation in the first place, but also at Gordon, not even having the decency to let her speak. But, she realised, she'd hurt him, no doubt in his opinion, she had no right to speak to him._

_ So how was she going to explain? He'll calm down, she reasoned. She'd go speak to him at lunch, or perhaps leave it until the evening. She dismissed that as well; tomorrow morning, he'd have had chance to sleep on it again. He'll be calmer, he'd listen, he'd let her explain, everything would be okay. _

_ That's what she hoped anyway. _


	32. Chapter 32

She sat in her office, alone.

She'd driven to work, as every day, alone, from her empty flat, only her thoughts to accompany her.

She'd arrive at the hospital, receiving only a snide remark from Mrs Hander. It had become part of her daily routine. It could perhaps be seen as a comfort; a cutting word to greet her arrival proving everything was normal, nothing amiss.

Dave had been there when she'd arrived, and had ignored her, something else that had been becoming a routine in the past few weeks. In a way, it reminded her of the situation with her and Gordon all those months ago. She'd tried for weeks to speak to him, to explain to him, but he wouldn't listen. Over time the situation, contrary to what she'd hoped, perhaps naively believed, hadn't improved, if anything, he acted colder towards her. He never descended into nastiness though, Gordon wasn't like that. But all the same, it had devastated her.

Devastation - that was the main difference between the situations. With Dave, it had upset her slightly, they had been friends after all, but it was more discomfort of having to work with someone day in, day out, and not be able to have a civil conversation.

But with Gordon, it has been heart-breaking, clichéd perhaps, but that's what it had felt like in the end. And if she allowed herself to dwell on it for too long, she felt her heart breaking all over again; a pain so intense, suffocating almost, physical, yet almost surreal at the same time.

This grand difference was purely due to the fact of love. She'd loved Gordon.

And still did.


	33. Chapter 33

_She still couldn't believe that she'd lost him, couldn't believe that everything she'd taken for granted over the years she had known him, even since before they had become more than friends, was now over. She couldn't leisurely talk to him over a cup of tea between patients, couldn't sit with him in the gardens at lunch, she couldn't even pop into his office just to say 'hello'. She kept wandering towards his office, on the intent to do those things, but she had to check herself, reroute, remind herself that she was no longer permissible to do so._

_ All those times they'd spent together; the stolen kisses at work, the nights spent in each others arms, the hours and hours just talking, completely comfortable to talk about everything, well, almost everything. And all of it came down to what? Well, nothing!_

_ Why wouldn't he just listen to her? If he just let her explain that she'd never even applied for the job, maybe they could forgive each other, put it all down to a silly misunderstanding and get back to their life together. She almost laughed; life together! She'd stupidly allowed herself to imagine them growing old together, their love growing stronger by the day. How deluded had she been?! They hadn't even been together for a year. She should have known. No man would never want to be with her for long. They would discover all her flaws and leave her, especially someone as great as Gordon. It had happened many times before. But she'd been able to get over those relationships relatively quickly; she'd not really loved any of them. But with Gordon it was different, she couldn't imagine ever getting over him. She loved him, and he loved her. Did he? She began to wonder whether the job offer had been a means of escape for him. Maybe her tormentor had been right when he'd said she'd seduced him. Maybe he hadn't known how to end the relationship and the letter provided the opportunity._

_ As the more time passed that they'd been apart, the more his loving eyes faded in her memory to be replaced by the cold, uncaring eyes he now looked at her with. Perhaps she'd imagined the love in his eyes all along._

_ She knew it would do no good dwelling on 'what ifs', 'perhaps' and 'maybes', but she couldn't help it._

_ She also knew that she wouldn't get any sleep tonight, especially not being at work at two in the morning, under the pretence of catching up on paperwork._

_ There was only one thing for it. One way she could resolve the situation. And she was going to do it. _

* * *

><p><em>Her hand hovered over the telephone, she lowered it towards the receiver, but quickly pulled away. She'd have plenty of time later, she reasoned. Though deep down she knew she was putting it off. For what, she didn't know. Perhaps she still had a thread of hope, that maybe, she'd be able to work things out with Gordon.<em>

_ She shook her head, sighing and gathered up her files. It was lunch time. She'd go to the sea front, let the sea air clear her head, and have a proper think._

_ She left her room, made her way into the back of reception to see Lizzie filing her nails. She smiled at her as she placed the folders in the filing cabinet._

_ She was almost finished when Gordon walked in. She gazed up at him as he walked past her._

_ "Hi Lizzie!" he called. But said nothing to Jill, hurting her, perhaps more than any words could._

_ Forcing back the tears, she rushed out of reception and into her office. Snatching up the receiver, she began dialling the number she'd memorised through her agonising. She explained the reason of her call, then made arrangements with the person on the end of the line._

_ "Thank you. Goodbye." She placed the handset in its cradle, and sat back in her chair. _

_ Next Tuesday._

_Now all she needed was to arrange to have the day off._

_ Hopefully this would make the situation better._

_ Next Tuesday._


	34. Chapter 34

_ Jill stood outside the unfamiliar building, gazing around at the large site, the bustling people, the surrounding structures. There was no open expanse of sea and none of the things that went along with it, so pleasant to the senses; no cawing of seagulls; no crisp, clean sea air blown in the gentle, or sometimes high wind. Instead, from where she stood, all around her were buildings. Admittedly, some were attractive; elegant Victorian decorations adorning the fronts. But however appealing they were, none could compare with the sea and the gardens surrounding The Royal. With this fairly negative thought in mind, Jill took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly before making her first steps up the path towards the main entrance, forcing herself to think of the reason she had come here in the first place._

_ She entered and made her way to the reception desk, pausing only to check the name on the piece paper clutched in her hand. The sheet showed obvious signs of use, the creases deep and the paper thinning where they ran. The corners were furled slightly browned with handling. All were indications of the worry and indecision the arrival of the paper had brought to Jill._

_ "Hello, can I help you?" A severe looking woman said behind the organised reception desk, her expression full of distaste and snobbery, the complete opposite to their smiling, friendly Lizzie._

_ Jill forced a smile"Erm, yes. I'm Dr Weatherill, I have an appointment with Mr Racheed."_

_ The receptionist glanced down at the book in front of her. When she raised her gaze to meet Jill's, she was mildly shocked at the amount of coldness there seemed to be present in her eyes. "Very well, please take a seat. He will be with you shortly."_

_ Jill flashed her a strained smile, before picking her way to the back of the crowded waiting room and lowering herself onto one of the leather padded chairs._

_ She allowed herself to take in her surroundings. How very different it was to The Royal. It was bigger for a start, and less cosy and welcoming somehow. Maybe it was the newer building, the more angular structure, instead of The Royal's older, more ornate interior. Although, she mused as she glanced up and caught the receptionist glaring at her, perhaps it was just the welcome, or lack of one, people received._

_ She unfolded the piece of paper, yet again, and checked the name, yet again, though it was nervousness that was causing her to do it, the name was imprinted in her mind, she had no need to check it._

_ She sighed and folded up the paper, before placing it in her handbag. She had to fight the urge to retrieve it and check, just one more time. A movement caught her eye. She looked down to see her foot bouncing up and down, a subconscious movement, made without her realisation, another give-away of her nerves._

_ She had just given herself a silent lecture, berating herself for her silliness, when a nurse called out her name. Quickly, she rose, gathered her belongings, and followed the nurse, becoming increasingly anxious and tense with each step she took down the long, unfamiliar corridor._

* * *

><p><em> As she followed the nurse, Jill took in as much of her surroundings as she could. She passed many a door to many different rooms, all integral to hospital life; consulting rooms, wards, laundry, x-ray. And the rooms she didn't pass, she saw signs to. She also tried to take in the faces of the staff; the nurses, porters, cleaners, and a two men she presumed to be doctors. And through all this, she kept asking herself one question. Could she imagine herself here?<em>

_ The nurse she was following suddenly stopped, forcing Jill to concentrate on her and the door they had come to. It was simple, light green in colour, and upon the front was a brass nameplate, so shiny the opposite side of the corridor was visibly reflected upon it. Carved neatly into the brass was the same name as on the paper Jill had checked time and again._

_ A sharp rapping was to be heard as the nurse's knuckles connected with the solid wood, followed swiftly by a call to enter. The nurse opened the door and addressed the person inside whom Jill couldn't see. "Doctor Jill Weatherill, sir."_

_ "Thank you Nurse. Send her in."_

_ The nurse stepped aside and gestured for Jill to enter. She thanked the nurse and did so, the door closing behind her as the nurse left._

_ "Ahh, Doctor Weatherill, take a seat."_

_ She smiled nervously and lowered herself into a leather chair, identical to those in the reception area. She lowered her eyes and busied herself with arranging her bag, coat and skirt, before clasping her hands in her lap, and raising her eyes once again._

_ In front of her was a large, wide, dark oak desk, upon which sat many a pile of neatly arranged sheets of paper, envelopes and files. Sat behind the desk was a smartly dressed man, hair perfect, and a gaze which held hers intently. He watched he contemplated her, every second he was silent serving to make her heart rate accelerate as her nervousness increased as did her discomfort. Was she expected to say something? If so, what? She opened her mouth, her lips forming the beginnings of a word when the man spoke, no doubt saving her from saying something clumsy._

_ "Doctor Weatherill." He paused, and she nodded, purely to show she was listening; it wasn't as if the simple utterance of her name gave her any lead as to what she should say. Thankfully, though, he continued. "Welcome to Leeds General Hospital. As you are probably aware, I'm Mr Racheed, the hospital administrator." He leant across the desk and outstretched his hand, and she took it, his fingers curling round hers in a firm, confident clasp, held for the appropriate amount of time, before released. He sat back in his chair his hand taking up a pen, and she returned hers to her lap. Mr Racheed glanced down at the piece of paper laid in front of him, his elegant fountain pen poised above it. His gaze returned to Jill._

_ And so it began. _


	35. Chapter 35

_ "Thank you Doctor Weatherill," he said, standing up. "I shall be in touch, hopefully by the beginning of next week."_

_ "Thank you," she said, rising from her seat as well. "I do have one question though."_

_ "Yes?"_

_ "Well, the thing is, I didn't actually apply for this job. I just received a letter a couple of weeks ago offering me an interview..." she trailed off and looked at him expectantly._

_ "She didn't tell you then?" he said, doing nothing to clear Jill's confusion._

_ "Who?"_

_ "Doctor Nevis. I hear you're a friend of hers. She suggested you as the replacement GP, and from the description of your skills and attributes, I felt I had to see for myself."_

_ "Ahhh." She should have known really. It was just like Beryl to do this. She'd always said Jill was wasted at The Royal, despite Jill's vehement defence of the cottage hospital. Jill thought she'd managed to convince Beryl of the merits of The Royal and how much she loved it there, and her comments had just become a friendly joke. Although, seemingly, Beryl was still determined to drag her away from Elsinby. She said as much to Mr Racheed, and he laughed._

_ "Doctor Nevis is in today if you want to see her. I'm going that way so I'll take you."_

_ She thanked him and they travelled down the corridors together. They chatted about Elsinby, The Royal and Leeds General. He seemed nice enough, and she imagined him to be a fair man to work for. They walked the way she'd come, until they came to within sight of reception, then turned off to the right. This corridor contained a row of doors on each side, each baring a brass name plaque upon which was carved the names of various doctors._

_ Mr Racheed stopped outside one and held out his hand to her, which she shook. "Nice to meet you Doctor Weatherill. As I said, I'll be in touch. Goodbye." _

_ "Bye." She gazed after his retreating back before returning to the door- 'Dr B. Nevis'. She knocked, waited until she heard a reply then entered. She took a moment to take in the woman sitting at the desk before her. It had been about 10 years since she'd last laid eyes on her. They'd managed to keep in touch through letters and the occasional phone call. "Beryl."_

_ Dr Nevis, turned her attention from her notes. Upon laying eyes on Jill, her face into surprise, before she shot up and flung her arms around Jill, squealing her name. "Sit down Jill! How are you? It's been far too long."_

_ Jill laughed at her friend's exuberance. "I'm fine, same as always. Anyway, I thought you'd given up trying to get me leave The Royal."_

_ "You know me Jill, I never give up. Anyway, you came for the interview, must've work."_

_ She rolled her eyes at her friend. "I thought I'd take the opportunity, I can always turn it down."_

_ "Why now though?"_

_ Jill shifted her eyes away, uncomfortable. Despite them being friends, the state of her personal life wasn't something she wished to divulge. "I just seemed like the right time to make a change, you know..." She shrugged. "So, what's been happening with you?" _

_ "Well I'm married, and as I'm sure you can see, pregnant as well. We're moving to London next month; I'm going to be a consultant."_

_ "So you won't be working here if I get the job then."_

_ "Nah, 'fraid not. You might be my replacement." _

_ She nodded, disappointed to an extent. She and Beryl had been close friends at university, but physical distance of the location of their jobs and increased the invisible distance of their friendship. It would have been nice to work with her, get some of that back, but at the same time, it wouldn't have been enough, as, obviously, Beryl wasn't Gordon. Gordon was the closest friend she'd ever had, and Jill couldn't imagine ever having a friendship of that degree with anyone else. It was as simple as that._

_ "Earth to Jill." Jill raised her head at the sound of Beryl's voice, realising she'd been silent for some time. "Thank goodness, I thought I'd lost you there."_

_ "Sorry." She smiled, forcing herself to push all thoughts of Gordon to the back of her mind._

_ "You free tonight? Dinner?"_

_ Jill shook her head regretfully. "I've got to get back to Elsinby, I've only got today off. What about lunch though?"_

_ Beryl glanced at the clock on her wall, and too shook her head. "Sorry, I've got a patient due about… now." _

_ As if on cue, a knock came upon her door, and the receptionist poked her head round. "Your patients are waiting," she said, before promptly retreating without waiting for a response._

_ Beryl sighed an got to her feet. "Come on, I'll walk you to reception."_

_ Jill followed suit and they walked to reception. "Bye Beryl."_

_ "Bye Jill."_

_ They hugged, and made vague promises to call and write more, much the same as they'd promised the last time they'd seen each other._

_ Beryl called her patient and left for her office. Jill glanced around the reception once more before leaving through the double doors outside._

_ Could she imagine herself entering and leaving through these very doors, everyday? Could she imagine herself travelling those corridors day after day? Could she imagine sitting in Beryl's office, treating patients?_

_ But probably more pivotal; could she plausibly stay at The Royal? _


	36. Chapter 36

_ Jill returned home from Leeds late in the evening. She hurried from her car to her front door, and quickly let herself in. Despite having not had any physical harm done to her since the attack, she was still incredibly nervous about being alone, especially at night, in a pretty much deserted street, lit only sparsely by the streetlights._

_ She'd left early that morning to get to Leeds in time for the interview, so the postman hadn't come past on his rounds. Once she'd securely locked the door, she looked down to see only one single letter. And sure enough, her name and address were spelt in the familiar lopsided letters. The postcode too was the same as all the others; Whitby._

_ Jill signed as she tore it open, suddenly feeling weary. The paper displayed the same threats, the same demands. It was draining. Not that it wasn't terrifying. Every letter made her that bit more scared, that bit more nervous, on her guard._

_ But it was tiring as well. She kept going over and over it, but she couldn't understand why she was being punished so much. If it was money they wanted, surely they would have demanded one large sum by now, and left, not forcing her to deposit small amounts, and staying around, increasing the risk of being discovered. _

_ She was pretty sure it had something to do with Gordon. They'd thrown the bricks through the windows of Gordon's house when she was there. No damage had been done to her own home. Though she sometimes felt panicked when near her own windows._

_ It had to be about more than vandalism though. When they'd lured her to the secluded house and attacked, they'd made a point of her relationship with Gordon. Perhaps she was being punished about it. But why? And how did they know?_

_ She hadn't thought anyone knew, couldn't think of anyone that could possibly have known. If she could, she might some idea who they were, but she was at a loss. And she didn't know how much more she could take. _

* * *

><p><em> It was the following Monday. Jill had just entered the area behind reception, looking forward to a cup of tea. The morning had involved a longer than usual list of patients complaining of colds and sore throats and numerous hypochondriacs. It was mornings like this that made her wonder why she'd spent all those years at studying and training.<em>

_ She flicked the switch on the kettle when the phone rang, then listened to Lizzie's "Good morning, The Royal," in her chirpy, singsong voice. She smiled gently as she poured the now boiling hot water from the kettle and into the familiar white cup with red band patterned with flowers. "Dr Weatherill!"_

_ She sighed and put down the kettle, turning to Lizzie._

_ "Phone call for you."_

_ "Is it an emergency?" she asked to which Lizzie shook her head. "Put it through to my office then please."_

_ "Right ho doctor!" the receptionist called to Jill's retreating back._

_ Jill entered her consulting room empty handed, her cup in reception just holding cooling water. She picked up the telephone receiver on her desk, and settled down on her chair. "Hello?" _

_ She listened to the caller, and nodded, then rolled her eyes at her foolishness. "Okay, thank you. I'll call you back later when I've come to my decision... Bye."_

_ She replaced the receiver in its cradle, and leant back in her chair, deep in contemplation. What was she to do? She had only a few hours to make her decision. How could she be certain the decision she made would be the right one? It had to be right not just for her, but for everyone else involved as well. She couldn't let anyone down. She sighed and rubbed her forehead, the beginnings of a headache evident as the pressure and worry of her uncertainty increased._

_ She did however, become certain of one thing. There was one person she needed to speak to. And the outcome of that conversation would perhaps make her decision for her._


	37. Chapter 37

_ Jill hesitated outside Gordon's door. She knew it was the last chance for them to patch their relationship up. If he really loved her, he'd ask her to stay._

_ She raised her hand, poised to knock. She really didn't want to do it, but she thought he deserved to know first, not through the grapevine. If that happened they had no chance of making up and resolving the situation, he'd think that he meant nothing to her, she was sure._

_ Swallowing resolutely, she knocked, and then entered after hearing "Come in." The voice she loved, that she used to listen to as she sat with him on many an evening, just content with being with each other, she with her head on his chest, feeling the vibrations as he spoke softly to her. The voice that used to deliver such kind, loving words to her had become a voice that shot only harsh, uncaring words her way._

_ These were the thoughts that ran through her head as she stood by his door, twisting her shaking hands as he stared up at her, not an emotion in his face. "I've come to tell you that- I thought you should know that I've decided to take the job at Leeds." She swallowed back a lump in her throat then rushed on, feeling the need to explain, desperately hoping it would make their hopeless situation better. "I don't feel I can stay here. I need to get away. There are too many memories…" She trailed off as Gordon's face didn't change from the impassive expression._

_ "Okay," he simply said, not an ounce of emotion in his voice, then he lowered his eyes to the file on his desk, picked up his pen and began to write._

_ She stood there for a second, just watching him, hoping he'd show some type of reaction. But he merely continued writing, as if she wasn't there. She felt hot tears pricking her eyes. She rushed out of his office, blinking rapidly as she did so. The hospital was not the place to break down in; no one would understand as they didn't know about her former relationship with Gordon. Even if they did, they couldn't begin to comprehend the depth of her love for him, the depth of her pain._

_ Some say that the opposite to love is not anger, it's indifference. Until that moment, Jill hadn't really understood that, but after that scene with Gordon, she knew it to be true. In her mind, if Gordon had shown anger or hatred towards her, it would have shown that he was still bothered about her, that he felt something towards her, even if it was resentment and bitterness towards her presence. _

_ But indifference just meant nothing, making her doubt everything about their former relationship, both just as friends, and more._

**OOOOO**

_"Dr Weatherill, are you really leaving?!"_

_ It was the day after Jill had told Gordon. After she'd left his office, she went to her own, to calm herself, and basically hide from everyone, not wanting to anyone to see the state she was in. Eventually, though, she'd had to emerge, carry on with her job. _

_ At the end of the day, she went to see Mr Middleditch. He wasn't thrilled about it, far from it, but he respected her decision, not questioning her on her motives, and told her she would be missed. By some, perhaps, but as Gordon had demonstrated, not by everyone._

_ She'd gone home, cried herself to sleep, as had become routine, and then got up as normal and returned to work, all signs of her sadness hidden by makeup. She had just entered reception when Lizzie had exclaimed rather loudly, attracting the attention of most staff, visitors and patients in the vicinity._

_ "Erm, yes, Lizzie, I really am." She quickly took her files from Lizzie, and hurried towards her office, wanting to hide her flaming face from those staring at her._

_ Lizzie, however, intercepted her, running out from behind the reception desk and throwing her arms around the doctor. "I'm going to miss you."_

_ Despite her increased embarrassment, she laughed and patted the receptionist's back affectionately, if a little awkwardly. "Thank you Lizzie, I'll miss you too."_

_ The ringing of the telephone then intruded, and Lizzie let Jill go, rushing to pick it up, muttering something about Matron. Jill shook her head, and laughed as she watched her go. She defiantly would miss Lizzie's antics._

_ She turned back to the corridor, and the smile quickly slipped from her face. Gordon was coming towards her, his expression the same as the day before, in effect, expressionless. _

**OOOOO**

_ "Dr Weatherill!"_

_ Jill halted on her journey and Milner Ward, and turned to face Lizzie running towards her. That was the second time that day the receptionist had embarrassed Jill; calling her name far too loudly and drawing the attention of everyone to her. She brushed aside her fringe, trying to detract from the burning in her cheeks as she smiled at Lizzie._

_ "Dr Weatherill," she said again, this time somewhat quieter and rather breathlessly as she came to a halt, wobbling for a moment on her far too high heels. "Are you free tonight?"_

_ The doctor frowned, confused. Lizzie had never asked her this before; they'd never been out together before, it puzzled her as to why she would ask her to now. "Yes, I am. Why?"_

_ "Good good!" she sang, clapping her hands and jumping on the spot. That was until she wobbled more precariously, grabbing Jill's arm to steady herself. "Be at the Sleepy Fish Pub at nine." She grinned excitedly and turned to leave, but Jill took hold of her arm, almost causing her to topple over completely this time._

_ "What's going on?"_

_ "Just be there!" Lizzie stressed, causing Jill's inquisitiveness and wariness to heighten._

_ "I won't go unless you tell me." _

_ Jill had to smile at the way Lizzie folded her arms and pouted as she said this firmly. _

_ "You're not going to give in are you doc?" Jill merely grinned and shook her head, resulting in Lizzie looking even more child-like and sighing. "Fine! It's your leaving party."_

_ "Oh, Lizzie, I don't-"_

_ "Doctor!" She was cut off. "People are already coming. You have to come. Please!"_

_ Jill sighed and rolled her eyes, but was secretly touched by the other woman's friendship. Strange, she'd never thought of Lizzie as a friend before, but she supposed she was. She wondered if there would be people she could call friends at Leeds General. "Okay, I will. Just so long as there's nothing that will embarrass me, hear!"_

_ Lizzie grinned and walked off, a wobble in her step, but obviously happy, her mission accomplished._

**OOOOO**

_ Jill walked into the Sleepy Fish Pub, the location of her leaving party. She looked around and finally saw a few staff from the hospital sitting in the far corner near to the bar; Lizzie, Mr Rose, Mr Harper David, Meryl and two new nurses she didn't know the names of. She was soon to find out from Lizzie that not many more were expected._

_ "Obviously the night staff can't be here so that includes my cousin, Nurse Hopkirk; Matron and Mr Middleditch said they didn't want to 'cramp our style'; Sister Brigid has responsibilities at the convent; Dad's got some scam on with about twenty of our relatives, including Pearl so they can't make it; Alun's on a date with Samantha and a few other people said they can't make it. Lucy is coming though and Mr Harper said he'll pop in for a bit…"_

_ As Lizzie chattered on, Jill became increasingly edgy as she wanted to hear the name of the person she so desperately wanted to come, but as Lizzie finished bombarding her with the names of just about every member of the hospital staff, the name didn't reach her ears. "What about Gordon- erm Doctor Ormerod?" She watched Lizzie carefully. She had a notion she was hiding something from her, so when the receptionist shifted her eyes away and tried to start a conversation about sunflowers of all things, Jill cut her off and pressed harder. "Lizzie, why isn't Dr Ormerod coming?"_

_ "He just said he didn't want to." Lizzie bit her lip, obviously not comfortable with disclosing the information._

_ "Why?" Jill cringed inwardly, embarrassed at the way the word caught in her throat._

_ "Sorry doctor, he didn't give a reason."_

_ On hearing this, Jill's heart dropped a few feet lower than she thought was possible. _

_ As the evening progressed, those around Jill increasingly enjoyed themselves, some getting a little more than drunk, including Mr Harper. She swirled the liquid around in her fourth glass of wine. 'What the heck' she thought as she downed it and went to get another. It wasn't as if she wanted to remember the evening anyway._

**OOOOO**

A/N: Regarding the line about indifference, not hate being the opposite to love - I read or heard this somewhere. Unfortunately, I can't remember where, but credit must go to the person who coined it in the first place.


End file.
